


Blue Mountain Lodge

by KnightInRainbowArmour



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-25 19:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17127269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightInRainbowArmour/pseuds/KnightInRainbowArmour
Summary: Two years after the worst day of Charity's life, Noah returns from his first semester of university and convinces her they need a much needed holiday. Charity jumps at the opportunity to escape the village over the festive season but is thrown for a loop when an unexpected blast from her past shows up at Blue Mountain Lodge.





	1. Thrown Down

**Author's Note:**

> Trying to get this finished before Christmas day so please excuse any mistakes. This is also my first time writing for this pairing (my new obsession of course) and I've enjoyed reading so many other fics for this pairing.   
> This is sort of AU-ish I guess, theres a few parts (the New Years episode in particular) that based purely on spoilers so if you're reading this a few weeks down the line then I apologise for any inconsistencies.   
> Anywayyy ON WITH THE SHOW.

 

 

A soft purple cloak of light coating the back room of the Woolpack, twinkling from the cheap tree, is the only evidence of Christmas in the room. Noah is slumped in the corner of the couch, thumbs tapping away on the screen of his phone while a movie plays on the TV, ignored.

Chas and Charity are perched by the table, half empty cups of tea in their hands as the silence between them stretches out. A heated conversation from moments ago, has settled heavily on the wooden surface of the table, turning the tea cold and Charity’s, hard stare, colder.

As if on queue, right before the tension grows too awkward, Moses come’s barrelling into the side of Charity’s legs, knocking them both into the side of the table and spilling tea across its surface. “Flaming-” Charity grunts out, but snaps her mouth shut before the kid can catch what she’s saying. He’s grinning up at her with complete innocence in his eyes and begins to roll a toy car up and down her thigh.

The sight of it tugs at her heart painfully, not because of how much he reminds her of herself now, but because of how much he reminds her of Vanessa, too. Charity knows that it’s impossible, but the way he smiles, the way he looks at her with such softness and without judgement…

She blinks away the thought before it can settle any deeper into her mind.

“Look,” Chas saves her from the memories. She looks up to meet her eyes, another argument waiting. “A’ just don’t see why you’d want to go away for Christmas.”

Biting her lip, Charity holds in her anger, it’s bubbling higher and higher in her chest, threatening to spill in a torrent of slurs. She pulls in a long, shaky breath, as she grabs for dish cloth to wipe up the spill on the table. “We just need to get away, babe. If it’s the bar you’re worried about I’ll ask Tracy to cover while we’re away, god knows she could do with something to fill all that free time she’s got.”

“It’s not about the bar.” Chas snaps and then quickly adds, “we? Or you?” she asks perceptively, leaning back in her chair and cocking an eyebrow in Charity’s direction. When Chas realises she’s not getting a reply anytime soon, she relents. “I know it’s been hard since she left…” she flinches when Charity snaps her head up to glare. “An’ I know it’s been two an’ a half years, so if this is going to help you,” she throws her hands in the air, “then I’ll support it, but y’ _need_ to move on Charity.”

“I’m not just doing this for me, Chas.” Charity slumps dejectedly, the movement allowing room for Moses to climb up into her lap. He’s bigger and heavier, now, he’s nearly six and still growing so fast in such a short period of time. “It wasn’t easy for these two, either. An’ our Noah could do with a holiday before he goes back to uni.”

At the mention of his name, Noah looks up. “Found somewhere.” He says, turning the screen of his phone to face the two women, both of who squint to see from where they’re sat. The young man, that’s what he is now – with his broad shoulders and sandy stubble, laughs mockingly before he stands up to hand the phone to his mum. Noah relieves Charity of Moses, hoisting him up into his arms before situating him comfortably on his back. “Blue Mountain Lodge. It’s a bit on the expensive side but I’ll chip in.” He offers genuinely. “I’ve got some of my student loan left over.”

Charity scoffs and shoves at his chest. He barely flinches. “Don’t be daft.” She shifts the phone in front of her face before the image becomes clear enough for her to see. It’s a skiing village somewhere in the Alps. All snow and log cabins. It’s not her immediate thought when she first suggested they go away for Christmas. More sand and palm trees, not a Christmas explosion or a ‘winter wonderland’. But, as she scrolls through the gallery of images, log fires, outdoor hot tubs and a room bigger than the back rooms of the Woolpack… she feels a gentle smile tug at the corner of her lips. “You can’t ski.” She settles on.

“Neither can you.” He shrugs. “We can take Moses on the little slopes.” Noah bounces his brother, causing a string of high pitched giggles to bubble out of him. “Anyway, it would still feel like Christmas, y’know, with the snow an’ everything.” Grunting like he isn’t too fussed what they do, he takes the phone back and wanders over to the couch, throwing Moses playfully down onto the cushions.

Charity can see through that now, his teenage anger and frustration had steadily fizzled its was out during the time Vanessa and Johnny had lived here, he’d slowly eased into a calm demeanour and she was sure that that, was mostly down to the sanctuary that the family had built together. But when Vanessa had left, only a few months after the New Year incident, Charity had been terrified he’d retreat back into the hate fuelled boy he’d once been. It had been hard, had destroyed the pair of them for a while, Moses none the wiser in his young and innocent age, but the Dingle clan had pulled together, Ryan included, and patched them back together as best as they could.

She can still feel the cracks, itching beneath her skin like a simmering fire and sometimes she can see them in Noah, the way he looks at her when he comes home after a handful of long weeks at university or when he wanders passed Tug Ghyll, expectantly waiting for a yellow jacket to appear outside. And while running off to the bloody Alps, of all places over Christmas, might not be the smartest thing, a break from the village may do them some good.

“Tell you what, why don’t you order us a pizza,” Charity shoots a questioning look in Chas’ direction, waiting for a gentle nod which comes within a second, “two pizzas, an’ I’ll check out flights an’ see if there are any cheap deals.”

-

The four of them are crammed into a booth in one of the airport bars, Debbie and Noah both with a beer each and Moses and herself with an orange juice. He’s quietly settled in his own corner watching some cartoon on Charity’s phone with his little Spiderman backpack high on his shoulders and woolly hat pulled low on his head. “I like planes.” He mumbles. “Big planes.” The scurry of traveller’s dart around them, all hurrying to catch their flights for the holidays.

She’s too busy staring at her youngest to hear the boarding call for their flight, the notice going unacknowledged until Debbie nudges her arm. “That’s you, mum.” She smiles softly, almost sympathetically.

She hates that look, has grown too used to it in the past two years. “Thanks, babe.” Charity nods, “in a world of me own, there.” She knows that Debbie and Chas have been talking about her behind her back, every time she walks into the room they get uncharacteristically quiet all of a sudden. Both with this look that Debbie has now; it’s not quite pity but it’s closer to that than it is to anything else. Charity, deep down, doesn’t blame them, not really, they care about her and the boys and know how hard Vanessa leaving was on them, but she wishes more than anything that they’d stop acting like she’s about to shatter into a million tiny pieces. Where was that kind of care all those years ago when she was going through a court case?

That thought is something she wants nowhere near the forefront of her mind, the memories it brings back are too painful, the pain isn’t for him, not anymore, but because of what she gained and lost between then and now, a family forged from steel had crumbled away and she was left alone. Again.

“Got everything? Passports, boarding passes, euros?” Debbie asks, handing her mum her hold all.

“Excuse me,” Charity scoffs, wrangling with her bags. “Pretty sure _I’m_ your mum, not the other way around.” Smiling to let her daughter know she’s teasing, she pulls Debbie into a hug and holds her tight. “I’ll see in a week, babe.” Tugging away, Charity turns to the boys, holding a hand out for Moses to take. “Let’s go then, kids.” Moses practically skips to her, the excitement of their family holiday thrumming through him like a rush of adrenalin.

They’re about a foot away from the exit when Debbie clears her throat, loud enough for them to hear. Noah’s chuckling from her left and Moses is tugging on her hand to turn around.

Debbie, for her part, is trying to hide the smirk that’s fighting its way out while she holds a set of tickets in the air. “Still sure you’re the mum?” She laughs, unable to fend her amusement off any longer.

Charity rolls her eyes. “Very funny. Give ‘em here.” She shoves the tickets safely into her pocket but as a second thought, she hands them over to Noah. “Don’t drop ‘em.” She warns.

“You don’t have to worry about me.” He laughs, gripping them tightly in his fist.

She wouldn’t admit it, would barely admit it to herself for a while after Vanessa left, but she worried about Noah a hell of a lot after her departure.

-

Moses is strapped into the middle seat between his older brother and his mum, munching away on a packet of crisps with crumbs sticking to his cheeks. Charity smiles to herself as she wipes at his face though it quickly turns into a grimace as he pulls away from her. “You know, it would have been cleaner bringing a wild animal on board.”

Noah laughs, leaning forward to peer around Moses. “There was this one guy who tried to bring a peacock on a plane once.” Charity stops her ministrations and looks at him with a look of complete confusion. “Obviously it wasn’t allowed on…” He trails off almost awkwardly and settles back into his seat.

“Is this the stuff you’re learning in uni, ‘cause if it is, I think fifty grand debt is a waste.” She teases, shoving the wet wipes back into her bag.

Noah doesn’t reply, quietly thinking about what he's just said as though it were an accident, the smile on his face slips slightly but he hides it well. “No,” he laughs, “I could tell you about the correct way to administer CPR to a hamster, though.”

“Will that help the next time Moses feeds it washing up liquid?” Charity asks, her voice teasing and eyes conspiratorially wide.

Laughing, Noah nudges Moses. His eyes crinkle at the sides just like Charity’s do when she smiles, the older he gets the less like his father he looks. “I told you to keep the dish soap away from him.”

“Babe, I try!” She says, offended. “But he’s like a weird little Spiderman, he climbs everywhere. You saw him the other morning, halfway up the bloody curtains, he was.” Their serious expressions last a few seconds before Noah’s face twists into one of absolute riotous amusement and his laughter is loud enough to fill the cabin of the plane, drawing attention of a nearby elderly couple. Charity hadn’t realised how much she’s missed this sound, it fills her chest with unadulterated happiness, so much so that she hears her own laughter before she feels it bubbling up from her chest. Moses, for his part, has no idea what’s going on, but his face scrunches and he squeals out his own happiness between giggles, not wanting to be left out of the moment.

It’s the first time Charity has felt this free in a long time. She doesn’t have the weight of the village sitting on her shoulders, the bad memories that accompany every step she takes, every time she has to see Tracy or Frank, hear them talking about Vanessa’s new life in Leeds while she idly works behind the bar.

The pair had been unexpectedly supportive the first couple of months, the lines around their allegiances blurred. It was reassuring for a while, it kept up the pretence that her family was still intact, that there was still a chance that Vanessa would come home to them. But months passed and then a year and slowly Charity felt the dread settle into her gut because Vanessa wasn’t going to come home, she wasn’t going to come back to them and it was partly her own fault.

Could she blame her really? After everything that had happened, being suspended, being stabbed outside her home over New Year, fighting for her life, Johnny practically being kidnapped? Emmerdale wasn’t safe, it was coated in an air of evil and destruction. She’d have done the same, to keep Johnny safe.

“Mum?” Noah calls softly, concern etched across his face. She hadn’t realised she’d gone quiet.

“Yeah? Sorry.” She shakes the thoughts away and tries to give him a reassuring smile, Charity knows he can see right through it, though, can practically hear the thoughts being rammed down into a little locked box in the back of her head.

Noah, oddly understanding, settles back in his seat. He puts one headphone in and hands the other to Moses clicking play on a video for them both to watch.  A few minutes pass in silence, enough time that Charity’s turned three pages of her book without actually having read a word. The thrum of the plane engines helps to even out the racing of her heart, the steady whirr and vibrations, calming enough that she begins to feel herself drift off.

“Ness told me about the peacock.”

Her eyes snap open with such a start that she sees white flashes for a while before the seat in front of her comes into view. “What?” she blurts out, a little sharper than she had intended to. She turns to face Noah, but his eyes are purposefully glued to the screen of his phone as he speaks.

“Christmas doesn’t feel the same without them, I didn’t like last year, either.” He picks at the wire, fidgeting as he rattles off his own thoughts but he’s quiet for so long that she doesn’t think he’s going to say anything else. “I miss her, too.” It’s barely above a whisper but she catches it nonetheless.

“An' Johnny.” Charity’s so startled by what Noah has just said that when Moses pipes up, she all but topples off the side of her seat. “Miss Johnny.”

All she can do for a good while is gape at her sons in shock. Noah hadn’t once mentioned Vanessa since she’d left all those months ago, he’d just retreated in on himself and then before long was off to university, escaping the village’s problems like she so wished she could. Moses had asked questions, innocently enough, had cried when Charity had told him he ‘can’t play with Johnny today.’ She isn’t sure what had hurt more at the time, Moses’ confusion or Noah’s silence.

With a shuddering breath, Charity lets her eyes flicker closed. “I miss them, too.”

-

She loves the feeling of stepping off the plane and a dry wave of heat barrelling into her. It reminds her of walking into a whole new world, a paradise. _This_ , however, is not that. The icy air prickles at her skin the second they step out of the taxi, stinging enough that it takes her breath away for moment. “Bloody hell.” She huffs, zipping her puffer jacket all the way up to her nose and pulling her hat further down her forehead.

“It’s cold.” Noah lugs the suitcase out of the back of the taxi and lets it fall into the pile of snow that had been shovelled off the path. “Very cold.” He adds as if he hadn’t realised the temperature would be below zero when he had suggested the Swiss Alps as their Christmas holiday destination.

“ _Snow_!” Moses’ scream is abruptly silenced as he face plants the clump of snow, disappearing into its depths, whether it was purposeful or completely by accident, Charity isn’t sure, but she reaches down on instinct and clutches his jacket in a fist, yanking him out by his back. Moses stumbles on his feet, spluttering snow out of his mouth and wiping it from his eyes, giggling all the while. He’s about to jump again but Charity keeps a tight hold on his back and tugs him to her side. “Don’t you dare.” She warns with a stern look.

It’s nearly dark outside, the sky a deep navy but heavy clouds, thick with snow, veil the view of the Matterhorn, only the base visible from where they stand outside the hotel entrance. Its rustic and old, with a warm glow of orange light spilling out onto the white snow. Misshapen stone steps lead the way up to the wide, wood framed door, deep browns and golds rippling through the surface of the walls.

The side of the street they’re standing on is lined from head to toe with Christmas lights, yellows, whites, blues and pinks, all twinkling against the darkness. A towering Christmas tree, decorated to the nines, towers over them, perched neatly on the surrounding decking that rounds the ground floor of the hotel. If Charity had had any doubts about losing the Christmas spirit this week, she was brusquely reassured.

Noah lets out a huff of steamy air, “can we check in or are we staying on the steps tonight?” Charity watches as the fading white cloud rises a good six feet until it disappears.

“Mummy, can we get hot chocolate?” Moses squeezes Charity’s hand, his tiny fingers freezing against her own.

Giving him a wink and a soft smile, she drops down to his level. “If you promise to be good while I get our room, an’ keep a hold of Noah’s hand, then yeah.” Moses lets out a squeal of delight and bounds over to Noah, yanking his hand out of his pocket to hold on to.

The small family make their way up the gritted steps and into the lobby where the heat of an open fire in the centre of the room hits them. It smells like spiced cinnamon, and something fruity, the scent almost overwhelming. The boys trail behind her as she approaches the front desk and she shoots a half-hearted smile to the man sitting there.

“This place is a lot fancier than them photos on their website, innit, mum?” Noah nudges her as he sidles up beside her at the desk.

“How can I help?” The man stands, noticing the family for the first time.

Charity pulls out a printed sheet of paper from her bag and slides it over the top of the desk. “Booked a room for the week, under Dingle.” She says and turns back to Noah. “Too fancy for us.” She smirks pointing at a bowl of pinecones a few feet away from them. He glances between the bowl and his mum before his hand slowly begins to reach out. He’s jolted back when Charity slaps the top of his hand. “Don’t even think about it.”

“I’m sorry madam, I can’t seem to find a booking under that name.” The man’s thick accent pulls Charity’s attention back to him.

“Impossible.” She scoffs and taps her finger on the copy of the booking she’d printed out that morning. “I have it right ‘ere.”

He climbs out of his chair to peer up at the sheet of paper, double checking the booking. “One second.” He says, typing rapidly into his computer and flicking through a book to his side.

“This is ridiculous.” Charity doesn’t mean for her voice to rise the way it does, but a long day of travelling has her bones aching and her body willing her to sleep. “Typical. We could have been in Spain or drinking margaritas on a beach somewhere. Instead we’re going to be sleeping in below freezing temperatures in the middle of _bloody Switzerland_.” Turning to face the man on the other side of the desk, ignoring a German family along the reception desk, she towers over him with enough glare to her eyes that she’s sure it would have been enough to turn Jimmy to stone. “Listen here,” she jabs his shoulder sharply, “you better double check that system of yours before-”

“ _Nessy_!”

The scream from her youngest startles her into a frozen state of shock. It’s cold and icy, worse than the temperatures outside the confined warmth of the hotel lobby.

“Mum…” Noah whispers, she can feel him stock still beside her. Before either of them realises what’s happening, Moses is pulling free of Noah’s hand and hurtling his tiny body across the lobby as fast as his legs can carry him. “Mos, wait.” Noah shouts, lunging to grab him.

The sound of panic in Noah’s voice is enough reason for Charity to turn, despite her brain willing her not to, warning her against it for her own sake. It’s then that she sees them both stood on the other side of the room.

Johnny screaming, flinging his arms open for Moses to barrel into him, a full head taller than Moses now despite his younger age.

And Vanessa.

Beautiful, always right, Vanessa Woodfield, stood and statue still as she gapes at the family like she’s just jumped into a time machine and seen a flash of her past life.

“Impossible.” Charity mutters again, her voice croaking through a dry throat. Vanessa catches her eye and the whole room freezes. It’s just the two of them, vibrations in her ears, travelling through her body until she feels her legs go weak and numb.

Those blue eyes pierce straight through her body, cooling and warming her at the same time. The cracks she’s tried so hard to mend over the past two years split and bare open for the world to see, Vanessa sinking her way back into them.

In that single moment, Charity has no idea what to do. It’s only when she feels a tap on her back that she realises she been holding her breath and the room around her is spinning precariously.

Tilting on her feet, trying and hoping that she still has time to brush it off like she hasn’t just been staring at her ex-girlfriend for the past two minutes, she’s presented with a room key from the man behind the desk. She snatches it from his hand and shoves it in her pocket, a welcome pack is slid towards her, but she barely takes note of what the man is saying as she slaps the folder into Noah’s chest and wrangle’s their bags into a transportable pile on a trolley. “Mum…”

“Not now.” Charity cuts Noah off with a firm shake of her head. “Not now.” She repeats more for her own sake, trying to convince herself she’s just imagined seeing the love of her life stood behind her.

She’s not so lucky, apparently, because before she can take a step, a small human is throwing themselves at her legs, almost taking her out with his newfound strength. “ _Chatty_.” The cracks are a crumbling mess of rubble now, everything she’d tried to build is shaken down to its foundations in a quake destructive enough that she can feel the tears welling in her eyes.

“Hey, Johnnybobs.” Charity curses herself for allowing her voice to wobble the way it does, for letting her feelings show in such a public setting. Despite the gaping hole in her chest, though, she drops down and pulls the boy into her arms. He still smells the same, still looks so much like Vanessa and still clings to her the same way he used to, with his hands balled into the shoulders of her clothes and face tucked into her neck.

“Where you been?” He asks, breaking her heart the same way Moses had when Vanessa and Johnny had left. He looks up at her with big, wide eyes, pleading for her to give him an answer he’ll understand. She can’t do that, though. How can she tell him that she couldn’t leave her home, Chas, couldn’t uproot her kid’s lives and as a result, Vanessa had left on her own?

She’s saved from answering, however, when a glowing ball of yellow picturesque beauty appears behind him. “Come on, darling, don’t suffocate her.”

It’s takes her a second to look up but when she does, Vanessa smiles down at her shyly, Moses in her arms. She’s got a bright, obnoxious yellow jacket on, not the one she used to wear around the village, this one puffy and no doubt filled with down to keep her warm. She's beautiful, up close like this, she always has been, Charity thinks. _Knows_. But still, she can’t quite comprehend what’s happening.

“Hi, Charity.” Vanessa whispers so gently that Charity isn’t even sure she spoke in the first place but the way a burning shiver tingles down her spine at the sound of her name falling from the other woman’s lips is enough confirmation.

Clearing her throat, Charity stands, hoisting Johnny up onto her hip. “Hey.”

Noah pushes past Charity with ease; his towering frame sets him easily a good half a foot taller than her. He looks down at Vanessa protectively blocking her view of his mum. “What’re you doing here?” He snaps with more hurt to his tone than any anger at all. He’s shaking, subtle enough that its barely noticeable but Charity can see his shoulders shudder with each breath he heaves in.

Vanessa has the decency to look startled. She takes a step back to take in his full form and through the tears welling in her eyes, she musters up a small smile. “My dad paid for us to go away for Christmas.” She says, bouncing Moses on her hip before she puts him down and he scurries off to Charity. “I did wonder why he was so insistent.” Charity listens to her voice, hears the words spill from her mouth, and without being able to see her face, she can tell they’re lacking the happiness she’d grown to love. Now her voice sounds flat, tired, even, and a mix of emotions begin to bubble in her gut at the very idea of Vanessa not being her happy, sunshiny self. “But now I’m guessing he had his reasons.”

“I told Trace we were coming.” Charity sighs, finally stepping around Noah as realisation settles in. “Conniving little-” She’s cut off by the sharp stare that Vanessa subtly shoots her, an air of familiarity behind it, silently warning her not to finish that sentence. She was never good at watching her language around the boys.

“I’m sorry. If I'd have known...” Vanessa says, turning back to face Noah as she awkwardly scuffs the toe of her snow boot against the floor. “We’ll stay out of your way.” Gesturing to Johnny, she waits for Charity to hand him back patiently, clearly in no real hurry to leave just yet.

“See you later kid.” Noah says to Johnny as he’s passed between the two women, both averting their eyes within the close proximity of one another.

“Mummy, can Johnny come play tonight?” Moses asks, climbing his mums hip until she lifts him with a grunt.

Charity smiles sadly at him, doing her best to avoid Vanessa’s gaze, the sting she feels in her heart still too fresh. “Not tonight, babe. We need to unpack. Maybe another time?” Moses’ face scrunches up as his bottom lip wobbles and his cheeks turn red, ready to throw a tantrum. “Hey, but I’ll make you a hot chocolate?” That sets him on pause, his body relaxes against her and he drops his head to the side of hers.

“They do good hot chocolate at the family bar.” Vanessa speaks up softly, gesturing to the very far end of the lobby.

“Thanks,” Charity nods half-heartedly. “We best get going, it’s been a long day.” She sways Moses in her arms, his eyes already half lidded. “Maybe see you around, or something.”

“Or something.” Vanessa shoots Charity a feeble, tight lipped smile. “See you later.”

-

The door to their, frankly _massive,_ room slams shut with an echoing rattle, breaking the heavy silence that had followed the family up to the third floor of the building. “Listen, babe, so I think we’ve seen enough of sunny Switzerland, eh?” Charity, having hauled the suitcase off the trolley along with their coats and bags, drops the luggage to the ground with a thud. “How about we call it a day an’ catch the earliest flight home?” Her voice sounds almost crazed, her eyes are wide, and her body is so tense it could smash through the wall beside them if she threw herself at it hard enough.

The thought had occurred to her numerous times on their walk up to their room. 

Noah, having calmed down somewhat, turns to face Charity with a soft smile. “Mum, this place is huge.” He says, picking his bag up and wandering over to the double bed and perches himself down on the edge. “I’ll have this one, you an’ Moses can have the single.” Bouncing up and down on the mattress, he turns back to Charity. “We’ll be outside most of the time, what are the chances of us running in to them again?” He shrugs. “That’s if you’re sure you don’t want to.”

“Sod off,” Charity smacks the back of his head. “Moses and me will have this one, you have the single, unless you want to share with your brother.” She warns knowing fine well he’d prefer anything but. “An’ what’s that supposed to mean?” She asks as an afterthought.

Begrudgingly, Noah slumps over to the single bed in the corner and drops to his back. “As angry as I am that she left us, you have to admit,” he props himself up on his elbow and swings his feet to and fro, “it was kind’a nice. Seeing ‘em, I mean.”

Charity helps Moses climb up onto the bed and slumps down to mirror Noah’s position. “Yeah, I guess, kid.” Moses begins to launch himself from one end of the bed to the other, cheering and laughing as he flies through the air. “But y’know, it wasn’t all her fault she left.”

Noah nods in understanding. “But that doesn’t make it hurt any less that she did.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Can I Call?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charity isn't very good at the whole skiing thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the responses to my first chapter, I've got the next two chapters finished so they'll be up at some point today. I hoping to have chapter 5 ready to go tonight too, so we'll see.   
> Again, same things applies from the last chapter, any mistakes are all mine.

 

Charity wakes with a start sometime around four in the morning, with a cold sweat soaking through her pyjama shirt and her whole body shaking with the cold air that has somehow reached her bones. Flashes of Vanessa’s torn up features and tear-stricken face echo behind her eyelids, the day she left with Johnny in her arms, Charity begging her not to, down on her knees and pleading with all her worth.

She tosses back the sheets, careful not to wake Moses with his face buried deep into her own pillow, snoring away softly, something she hates to admit, reminds her of Ross, but still finds ridiculously adorable at the same time. Charity walks through the doorway of their bedroom into a spacious living area.

They hadn’t bothered to spend long in here the night before, unpacking and then treating the kids to a hot chocolate had used up the last of Charity’s energy, and the second they’d gotten back to their room they’d collapsed into bed and were sound asleep within minutes.

She pours herself a glass of water and slumps down into the corner of the couch, her eyes drawn to the uncovered windows, the expanse of the skiing village below lights up the dark surroundings in an orange glow; the snowy clouds have cleared, and the Matterhorn is visible against the moonlit sky. A light scattering of snowflakes is falling, landing on the balcony area outside their room.

Charity feels cold just looking at it and for a brief second, she almost reaches out for a warm body beside her, her dream having left a fleeting imprint on her subconscious. She wants to grab the nearest cushion and scream into it until her lungs burn and her head stops spinning. She’s not going to pretend and act like she ever got over Vanessa, she doesn’t think she ever will. She’ll never love someone the way she loved her, still does love her. But she was beginning to reach a stage where it didn’t hurt so much anymore, where she didn’t wake up on nights like this, or cry herself to sleep after drinking herself under the table.

But then Vanessa drops herself back into the middle of her life, and while it isn’t actually her fault, Charity is still a little mad with her for turning up here.

Okay, very mad. But mostly because she can feel the pain of their breakup as fresh as that very first day. She can feel every emotion she’d tried so hard to bury over the months, rearing their ugly heads. The pain, the love, the fear, the hurt. It laps at her heart, pulled by the moon, a rising tide that will eventually burst through the last of her remaining walls.

She just hopes that if, or when, that does happen, she’s alone.

Charity’s pulled from her thoughts by the sound of small feet padding their way across the hardwood floor of their suite. She turns to peer over the back of the couch to find Moses stood in the doorway, top sheet wrapped around his shoulders like a cloak and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Where you go, mummy?” he asks, voice thick with exhaustion.

“Here, babe.” She stands and holds out her arms for him. He patters on over to her and the pair fall back onto the couch. He fruitlessly attempts to wrap them both in the sheet as he settles into her front, Charity tugging at the sides to help. “What’re you doing out’a bed?” she wraps her arms around him securely, holding him close.

He mutters something unintelligible against her chest, his breath evening out until he’s fast asleep once again.

Vanessa taught her to love herself, taught her to love and care for her kids the way she’d always seemed unable to. For a while she imagined it was Vanessa’s way of preparing her for the day when she did leave, prepared her to cope when she ended up alone, or not so alone, just without her. She could take care of Moses, be there for Noah in all the ways that she was supposed to be. A lot of that, she thinks, is thanks to that little blonde rocket woman.

-

Charity isn’t sure she’ll ever get used to this type of cold. It’s not the same as the snow days at home, at least the air has some warmth to it even if the ground is thick with snow. This, however, is like the Beast from The East had just thrown up a hundred times over. Its dry, icy air, the type that makes your skin sting and chaps at your lips within seconds of being outside. Her nose is freezing and can already see it glowing red if she crosses her eyes hard enough.

Charity’s come to the conclusion that no number of layers and pocket warmers can keep the cold off her at this point. She bounces on her toes, trying and failing to gain some semblance of warmth as Noah queues for sledges. Moses was beside her a moment ago but is now flopping down into the snow a few feet away, coming back up for air and then finding a fresh patch to fall back into.

She’s resigned to leaving him to it, struggling to keep him by her side without begging her every two seconds if they can go and see Johnny. The truth is, she’s actually beginning to play with the very idea of visiting the pair, herself. Her eyes dart around the slopes, almost willing any higher force up there, to give her even the briefest of glimpses of a bright yellow jacket.

“They only had two left.” Noah trudges through the couple of inches of fresh snow that had fallen that morning to where Charity is stood, eyes darting up and down the kid’s size slope. “That okay?”

“Mhm.” She hums, not really paying attention to what her eldest is saying. “Let’s go then.” She takes the two sledges from Noah, waving her hand at him to grab Moses whose bright green snow boots are the only part of his body visible. Chuckling, he throws Moses over his shoulder and starts to follow Charity up the hill when he crashes into a body stood behind him.

“Oh, Sor-” He begins to apologise but stops. He’s stood, gawping for a second before he finds his words. “Ness.” Noah’s voice croaks out, much the same way Charity’s does when she’s startled. “Erm, what’re you doing here?”

Charity, realising she isn’t being followed, turns, the hairs on the back of her neck already prickling before she even sees Vanessa looking up at Noah with a surprised smile.

“Johnny wanted to go sledging.” Her son is giggling and jumping up behind Noah, trying and failing to reach Moses but his laughter sounds a couple of feet up to where Charity is standing, a trigger down her spine, making her legs move of their own accord.

Noah’s face falls slightly, guilt written all over it. “We got the last ones.” He says apologetically, gesturing to Charity, now. They share a look, a silent conversation flowing between them before Vanessa turns around. Her eyes crinkle at the sides as she smiles, catching Charity approaching. “But, erm, you could join us?” Noah shrugs, “if you want to.” He adds as a hurried after thought.

Startled by the invitation, Vanessa’s eyes go wide and her cheeks flush slightly out of embarrassment. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude.” She looks between Charity and Noah, apparently hoping to find some sort of reassurance there.

When Noah gives Charity a pointed glare, wordlessly reminding her of their conversation the night before, Charity steps forward with the most reassuring smile she can muster. “No intrusion here.” She says, hoping her voice doesn’t sound too shaky. “You’d be doing me a favour, actually, you an’ Johnnybobs can have this one.”

“Are you sure?” Vanessa asks, timidly taking the offered sledge.

“Positive, I’ll just watch.” Charity hopes the smile on her face is reassuring and not as anxious as she feels.

Clearing his throat, Noah takes a sledge from Charity and dumps it in the snow. “Come on, Mos, jump in.” The boys scream, both diving into the sledge, stumbling and sliding in the snow, before getting comfortable. “Right, okay… sorry, Ness, but I’m having that one.” He says, looking down at the two boys rocking side to side.

Vanessa laughs at that, trailing her own sledge behind her. “Johnny can jump in with me at the top.” She reassures him, giving Noah a light shove in the direction of the warn track. “Coming?”

Charity had remained mostly silent through the small exchange, observing the interaction between her son and ex-girlfriend. It tugs at something in her heart, something she hadn’t felt in a while. She’s not stupid. She knows it’s those old forgotten feelings rearing their way back up to the surface. “Yeah, course.” She wills her feet to move, to follow the four of them up the hill.

This, Charity thinks without an ounce of doubt in her mind, is going to end messy.

-

They don’t talk much for the first couple of hours, politely avoiding eye contact up at the top of the slope together, watching the boy’s fly down the icy layer of snow. Moses and Johnny are piling on top of Noah off to the left where they come to a sudden halt in at the edge of some trees when Vanessa finally speaks up.

“It’s nice to see you.” She says, barely above a whisper, but she’s inched ever so slightly closer to Charity. “A surprise, but a nice one.” She keeps her eyes glued to the boys.

Charity isn’t sure what to say to that. She tilts her head enough to face Vanessa; she doesn’t look much different than she remembers, her hair’s a slightly darker shade – only noticeable in the bright sunlight from above – and the lines are more pronounced near her eyes but she’s still the same woman she remembers, still _her_ Vanessa. “ _I’ve missed you. So much_.” She thinks, her lips are so close to forming the words, moments away from spilling what she really wants to say, but instead, she says, “I didn’t think Tracy had it in her.”

Vanessa turns to face her, finally, with a look of confusion that reminds Charity of that time she’d tried explaining the Dingle family tree and Vanessa had nearly passed out.

“Coming up with a plan like this.” Charity explains.

Vanessa’s confusion turns into an unreadable expression. “Probably been trying to pull something like this for a while.” She admits

Charity scoffs, but it’s not unkind, she shoots Vanessa a gentle smile and nudges her gently with her shoulder. “Don’t tell her I said this, but I’m a little bit glad her ingenious plan worked.”

As Charity pulls away from her shoulder bump, Vanessa, as if magnetised to Charity’s orbit, follows the movement, standing closer to her than she had been before. The shift doesn’t go unnoticed by Charity, of course it doesn’t, she’s always been finely tuned to everything that is Vanessa. She can feel the heat emanating through her yellow puffer jacket, it’s a warmth she hasn’t felt in a long time and it’s enough to take the chill out of her bones, for just a moment, at least. The silence between them stretches out once again, the only sound coming from Vanessa is the chattering of her teeth and the light puff of breath that break through in between.

“Listen, I-”

“I’ve missed you.”

It’s said with such abruptness that for an instant, Charity is stumped. Her brain frozen over the words, buffering on repeat. She’d give anything to be able to say them back, to tell Vanessa out loud that, _god_ , she’s missed her too. And for the second time in only a few minutes, she’s close to saying them again. But she can’t, not now, because Vanessa walked out that door two years ago and hasn’t looked back since.

That’s maybe putting more blame on Vanessa than is entirely necessary, however, for a while, that’s how it was for Charity. Vanessa had walked out and left them.

She knows now that that wasn’t the case at all, she was protecting her son, herself, from the destruction of the village. But the words bring back something fresh, a renewed bout of pain that she doesn’t ever want to feel.

“Ness,” she starts, not really knowing where the words are coming from other than a place she’d locked away deep inside her heart all those months ago. “It’s been two years.” Her voice trembles, full of pain and hurt and love.

“Chatty.” A shy voice interrupts their conversation, halting any confessions that may have been spilled and sending a wave of relief through her.

Pulling in a calming breath, Charity turns and crouches down so that she’s eye level with Johnny. He’s climbed his way back up the hill, sledge in tow with rosy red cheeks. “Yeah, Johnnybobs?”

He ducks his head timidly, letting out a small giggle at the nickname, something Charity knows he won’t have been called in a while. “Can we race?” Johnny asks, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

She looks over his shoulder at Moses tugging on the hem of Vanessa’s jacket, most likely asking her the same thing, and then down to Noah at the bottom of the hill. He’s talking to a group of people his own age, probably students, she thinks and then turns back to the boy in front of her. “Oh, I don’t know, kid.” She teases. “It looks quite scary.”

Johnny places a loving hand on her shoulder and looks her so seriously in the eye that she’s almost taken aback by how much he looks like his mum. “I’ll look after you.” He whispers and plonks himself down into the front of the sledge. “Come on.” He pats the space behind him and looks up at her with a smile so bright that he could give Vanessa a run for her money.

“You’ve convinced me.” She throws her hands in the air in mock defeat and climbs in behind him. Vanessa’s already situated behind Moses, he’s flicking the ropes at the front excitedly.

“We’re gonna win.” Moses shouts loud enough that Vanessa flinches.

“We’re gonna be so fast.” Johnny reassures Charity, patting her shin and shooting her a smile as best he can over his shoulder.

“One…” Moses begins to count. “Two…”

“Snooze, ya lose!” Charity calls, pushing her and Johnny off the edge of the slope, the pair dropping to the frozen surface of the snow, flying down the slope with a lot more speed than she’d originally expected. The airs pulled from her lungs in the shape of a scream, one that lasts all the way to the bottom of the slope. She clings to Johnny, more for her own safety than for his, clinging to something tangible before she flies of the back end of the sledge.

Screaming out his own excitement, Johnny pulls the break on the side of the sledge as they reach the bottom, spinning the chunk of plastic to a halt, spraying snow up over the heads of Noah and his new friends. Some of the girls he’s stood with scream and run but Noah turns to face them with an amused smile glued to his face.

Vanessa and Moses follow a few seconds later with windswept hair and bright red cheeks. “You cheated!” Moses throws himself to his feet and storms up to his mum, jabbing her in the stomach with a face like thunder.

“I did not.” Charity gasps in mock offence, holding her hand to her chest. “We didn’t cheat, did we Johnnybobs?”

Cackling out his amusement, Johnny shakes his head. “We won!”

Vanessa steps forward with her arms crossed over her chest. “Oh, they definitely cheated, Moses.” Charity’s son joins Vanessa at her side, comically crossing his arms in the same manor, the pair looking like they’re about to join the cast of Charlie’s Angels.

Charity blurts out a laugh at the sight, leaning to pick Johnny up in her arms. “Sore losers.” She teases the pair, swaying him in her arms as she begins to belt out ‘We are the Champions’.

Noah bids his good byes to his new friends and re-joins his family. “How ‘bout we go celebrate your corrupt win with a hot chocolate?” he asks, picking up the sledges, ready to take back to the little hut he’d rented them from earlier that morning. “Cause I don’t know about you, but I’m starvin’.”

-

Vanessa is de-coating Moses and Johnny at one of the tables in the family bar, it’s quiet, the rest of the holidaymakers are out in the mountains or the village making the most of their time here. Noah and Charity are up at the counter ordering their hot chocolate’s and some sandwiches for their lunch.

“Marshmallows and cream?” The woman behind the bar asks with a smile.

“Sure.” Noah replies with an indifferent shrug before he turns to Charity. “Saw you an’ her talking before.” He raises an eyebrow conspiratorially at her, almost smug. “Interesting conversation?”

Charity rolls her eyes irritably and mimics her son’s voice. “‘ _This is a big place, what are the chances of us running into them?_ ’” She pops her hip against the bar and gives him an expectant look. When he doesn’t say anything, just keeps smirking at her, she lets out a frustrated sigh. “We just talked, is all. Didn’t say out of biblical proportions.”

“Talking, though.” Noah says in a way he would talk to a friend. It’s strange, Charity thinks, one minutes he’s her teenage son getting ready to go off to uni, then he’s back, grown into a young man that can hold some sort of intelligent conversation. “Talking’s good.”

“Aye, it is.” Charity nods but she’s more sarcastic than understanding. “She said she missed me.” If it were possible, Charity slumps further into the side of the bar, the thought exhausting.

“And… that’s bad?” Noah guesses, mirroring his mum’s position, still waiting for their lunch to be made.

Charity shrugs. “Unexpected.”

“Why?”  
“I don’t know, do I?” She huffs out. “Because she left, because for the past two years I’ve been trying to convince myself that maybe we didn’t mean as much to her as I thought we did?” Her shoulders fall, defeated.

Noah, for his part, hides his stunned confusion well. “Mum…”

“I know,” shaking her head she turns to the woman behind the bar as the first couple of drinks are placed down in front of her. “I’m being stupid, or whatever.”

“Not stupid.” Noah reassures her, pulling the tray of food and drinks towards himself. “You were hurt and it’s like what you said last night, it wasn’t all her.” Charity moves to speak but he beats her to it. “I just think you need to see things from her point of view, she didn’t leave because of you, or us-”

He’s cut short when the woman behind the bar reads their total off the screen of the till, waiting for Charity to hand over the money. Noah’s already wandering back over to the table, the boys screaming their delight when they see the swirl of cream and marshmallows on their drinks.

Charity isn’t sure what to think now, with Vanessa’s words ringing through her mind like a pinball. What does it mean for them when their little Christmas holiday is over? Does she just forget they ever ran in to each other here, or has this little meeting of theirs set a metaphorical ball rolling? She is sure of one thing, though, she definitely can’t go back to her normal life of moping around the village.

“I thought you would have chosen Game Design.” She’s joined the conversation between Noah and Vanessa halfway through. “I know you were thinking about Veterinary Science, but I thought that was just ‘cause I kept dragging you on those call outs with me?”

Noah shrugs, a little closed off around this version of Vanessa. Charity sits down in the chair beside him, opposite Johnny and cuts Moses’ sandwich in half. “Flipped a coin.” He lies. Charity remembers the day he was applying for universities, stressed and irritated at the bar of the Woolpack. Determined not to follow in Vanessa’s footsteps after her recent departure at the time, he’d began to apply for other courses, until Graham had stepped in and talked him out of it.

Vanessa nods stiffy, seeing through the lie with ease but smiles at him nonetheless. “You done any placement yet?”

“Not yet, Paddy said I can help him for a few weeks.” He explains, dipping his finger into the top of the cream on his drink. “But I was sort of hoping to work with someone different, y’know?”

Vanessa laughs at that, inhaling the scent of chocolate as she eyes Noah over the top of her cardboard cup. “You’ll find somewhere.” She says. “I can put in a good word for you, if you need it.”

“Cheers.” He mutters but Charity spots a small smile twitch at the corner of his lips. “Mum…” He turns to face her, tone light and cheerful. She rolls her eyes.

“What do you want?” She sighs.

“I was wonderin’ if I could go out tonight? Some people I met this morning are going to a bar in town an’ asked if I wanted to go with ‘em?” He asks, picking at the corners of his napkin.

She pretends to mull that over in her head for a while, letting him stew, enjoying watching him grow more and more impatient. “I suppose.” She relents. “But don’t you come back drunk an’ wake us all up or you’ll have it in the morning.” She warns seriously, pointing a finger at his face.

“You kidding? The pair of you will be out cold by eight o’clock.” He jokes, gesturing to Moses shoving the sandwich into his face, most of it not even meeting his mouth.

“Oi, you.” Charity smacks him playfully on the arm before turning to Moses to clean his face. “We can have a movie night, can’t we?” She asks him.

Moses nods his head furiously and splutters around a mouthful of his sandwich, spraying Charity in the process. “Grinch!” He manages to say.

She gives her son a curious look. “S’cuse me?”

Vanessa is failing to hide her laughter, attempting to clean up Johnny’s spilled hot chocolate down his front. “He means the _film_ , Charity.”

“Oh.” She give’s Vanessa a soft smile, her heart sparked by the sound of her name flowing with that voice. “That’s okay then, I was about to go all shrinking heart and steal Christmas from you.” She says to Moses who doesn’t pay her any attention, too invested in grabbing a handful of cream and slapping it down on the table. “Christ, boy.” Charity groans, dropping her face into her hand. “Why can’t you be normal?”

Johnny, bless him, finds this absolutely hilarious and copies him with vigour, forgetting he’d already eaten all of his cream and instead sprays the occupants of the table with warm hot chocolate, surprised shrieks fill the quiet space of the bar.

-

Charity had lost track of Vanessa and Johnny, the group splitting off to get cleaned up after the drink incident. Noah had begged Charity to go back to the slopes with him, and after much arguing back and forth, she’d relented and the three of them had attempted a skiing class. She couldn’t lie and say she didn’t have fun, but after falling on her arse for the sixth time, she’d given up and Moses and she had decided to go back to their suite to warm up.

It’s sometime around half past six, when its already dark outside and thick snow is beginning to fall, when Noah finally comes back. He’s freezing cold and shivering so hard, it looks as though he’s having a fit.

Charity ushers him into the bathroom to shower and makes him a cup of tea. Moses is playing on her phone, sat on the floor in front of the TV, singing a song she doesn’t recognise.

She’s about to sit down on the couch behind him with a cup of her own tea when there’s a knock at the door. She rolls up the sleeves of her pyjama top and places her mug carefully out of the reach of Moses, eyeing him up with a warning before she walks down the short hallway to the door.

“We didn’t order any-” She’s already started speaking to who she suspects is a waiter with room service when she comes face to face with Vanessa and Johnny. “Oh.”

“Sorry to disappoint.” Vanessa says lightly, her hand clutching Johnny’s in her own. He’s waving up at her with a bright smile. “We were on our way down to the kid’s party and bumped into Noah, he told us which room you were in.” She explains almost apologetically. “This one,” she lifts Johnny into her arms with a struggling grunt, “wanted to invite Moses.” She gives Charity a once over, only just realising she’s not exactly dressed for what Vanessa has planned and her smile drops, it’s subtle, but noticeable regardless.

“I wasn’t going to bed!” She blurts out hurriedly, attempting to defend herself from any oncoming teasing. “We were just about to stick on a film.” Charity mutters, almost disappointed in herself for changing so early on in the evening. When her explanation does little to bring that smile back to Vanessa’s eyes, she stands aside. “You’re very welcome to join us.” She gestures behind her with her thumb, “Johnny can throw on a pair of Moses’ pyjamas?” She adds, hoping her voice doesn’t sound too hopeful at the idea.

Truth is, now that she’s had a taste of what it feels like to have these two brilliant and wonderful people back in her life, she’s beginning to crave it. It’s a niggling thought in the back of her brain somewhere, a thought that’s telling her _this_ is right, this is how things are supposed to be.

Charity’s not sure she’s strong enough to face the withdrawals.

Vanessa’s eyes light up at the invite, a beaming smile replacing the tight lipped one that had been there moments ago. “I think we’d like that, wouldn’t we, love?” She asks Johnny who grins out his own approval.

Charity, matching Johnny’s smile with her own, stands aside to let them past. She gets a whiff of Vanessa’s lavender scented body wash and has to physically hold herself up against the door, willing her legs not to give way beneath her.

“Mos!” She calls out, giving herself a second to recover. “Look who’s come to see you.” She can hear her youngest screeching from the living room, most likely bouncing on the couch. She makes her way further in, bumping into Noah on his way out of the shower. “What’s all this?” She asks, gesturing to his styled hair and freshly shaven face.

He scowls down at her. “Nowt.”

“Look at you.” Vanessa rounds the corner to see what the hold-up is. She looks at Noah with a smug, knowing grin on her face as she gives him a once over. “All dressed up… Who did you say you were meeting again?”

“Just some people.” He mutters, his face growing red as he slumps off to their bedroom to finish up getting ready.

Charity and Vanessa exchange smug stares before they break out into laughter and make their way through to the living room with the boys. Moses is yanking a DVD out from his backpack and throwing it like a Frisbee to the couch.  “That one, mummy.” He says pointing at where its slid to the floor.

“If it hasn’t smashed to pieces.” She says to him with a pointed look. “What ‘ave I told you about throwing things?”

Moses stops to think, his face scrunching up in thought. “Not to unless-”

Charity blurts out something unintelligible, holding out her hand to stop him from saying anything else incriminating as she glances to her side at Vanessa smirking at her in amusement. “How about you put that on then and I’ll go make us some snacks?”

“I’ll give you a hand.” Vanessa offers, already following her to the small kitchen like corner of the suite.   

Charity’s pulling two mugs out of one of the cupboards before she can even think. “Is tea okay?” She asks, a little apprehensively. “We don’t have any wine in.”

“Charity Dingle being sensible? Who’d have thought?” Vanessa teases, but her smile is gentle with no sense of mocking behind her words. “Tea’s fine.”

“Figured you’d end up drinking it all so I ask Noah to throw it off the balcony, eh.” Charity jokes, resorting to humour rather than having to explain herself. She hadn’t drunk much in the way of alcohol for a while. Sure, she’d had a glass or two here and there but after Vanessa had left resulting the absurd binge she’d gone on, she’d come to the conclusion on her own, that using it the way she had, wasn’t good for anyone, especially herself.

“Very funny.” Vanessa shoves at her shoulder before she turns to pull the milk out of the small fridge hidden in one of the cupboards. “Milk okay for Mos?”

Charity nods and dumps two teabags into the bin. Two sugars and a splash of milk. It’s like muscle memory, her hands doing the work for her, making the tea the way she remembers Vanessa taking it.

“I’m off out.” Noah pokes his head in through the doorway, giving a brief wave to the two women. “Got me phone on me if you need out.”

“Don’t be too late.”

“Be careful.”

Noah glances between Charity and Vanessa curiously, watching them both blush when they realise they’d spoken at the same time. “Yeah…” he drawls out slowly. “You two enjoy your wild night in.” With that, he’s gone and the door to the room is being slammed shut behind him.

The two women fall into silence as they work around the small space, emptying a bag of crisps and sweets into two bowls. “Sorry about that.” Vanessa says. “Habit.”

Charity lets out a soft laugh that even surprises herself. “It’s fine.” She says, carrying the drinks between her hands with Vanessa following behind her. They had always been a good team when it came to the whole parenting thing, good cop bad cop and all that.

The movies already five minutes in when they finally settle down onto the couch together, both boys jumping up to join them in the middle. “I were thinking,” Vanessa says, “An’ you have every right to say no, obviously, but what if we let the boys spend a bit of time together this week?”

Charity brings her legs up underneath her and tosses her arm over the back of the couch behind Moses’ shoulders. She mulls the idea over in her head for a second. She hasn’t seen Moses this happy for a long time, hasn’t seen him this excited to spend an evening watching movies since Vanessa and Johnny had lived with them for a short time. Even Noah seems to be lighter around the edges, despite his tough façade and blunt retorts, she can see it in him.

“What’s gonna happen after Christmas, Ness?” Charity cranes her neck to face Vanessa. She doesn’t think she can bare to lie to Moses again, keep the truth from him because he’s still too young to understand. She’s not even sure if she wants to hear the truth right now. “‘Cause I can’t face the tears and the heart break again.”

“Shush, mummy.” Moses places a small hand on her thigh, a gentle plea.

“Sorry, kid.” She places a hand atop his head and gives him a gentle kiss. “Can we talk outside?”


	3. Deep of the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hungover from his adventures with his new friends, Noah really shouldn't have been allowed loose on skis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter will definitely be up today, hopefully I can get the last one finished and posted before tomorrow. If you're wondering about chapter titles, they're all named after songs. Thrown Down - Fleetwood Mac. Can I call - The Hunna. Deep of the Night - Goldish. Just in case you wanted to look them up.

The snows so thick that when Charity settles against the covered railings, she can barely see a foot in front of her face. The air is freezing against her cheeks, prickling away at the warmth.

The door behind her slowly clicks open and the sound of feet crunching on top of snow alerts her to Vanessa’s presence. She sidles up alongside her, close enough that Charity can feel the heat emanating off her body. The lights of the town bellow casts an orange glow up to where they’re stood, catching the snowflakes like falling, burning stars.

Vanessa lets out a small exhale. “I should have stayed in touch.”

 “Yeah.” Charity scoffs, keeping her eyes glued blindly ahead of her, too afraid of letting Vanessa see the tears welling in her eyes.

“At first, I just needed time, I was scared – for Johnny, for me…” Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Vanessa drop her head ever so slightly. “And then I was just ashamed about the way I’d left things, between us. The whole thing was just a shock to the system, I guess and-”

“You don’t need to explain any of that, Ness.” Charity steps in with soft words and calm demeanour, surprising even herself, but she never had been able to hold a grudge when it came to Vanessa. “I just don’t want to get the boys hopes up, is all.” She can feel her heart in her throat as she speaks.

“You’re not.” Her reply is quick and sure. “Weekends.” She says. “We could go on trips, or… or… I don’t know, sleepovers?”

Charity barks out a rough laugh in response to the suggestion. “Two years too late.”

“It’s not too late.” Vanessa say, barely above a whisper with so much depth to those few words that Charity can feel her heart pounding in her chest. She finally turns to face her and sees something swimming in those blue eyes, it’s been there since the day before, since they’d bumped into each other in the lobby, but she’s only just recognising it for what it is. Something, she thinks, she’s maybe not quite ready to address just yet.

She lets out a steamy breath, it lifts into the air as a white cloud that disappears into the plumes of swirling snow. “Weekends sound great.” She says, trying and failing to keep her face as straight as possible, a pleased smile breaks through and splits her mouth into a toothy grin.

Vanessa lets out a delighted squeal, wriggling on the spot as what Charity think’s is a victory dance. She throws her arms around Charity’s shoulders, giving her a tight squeeze but before she can even process what’s happening, before she has a chance to breathe, Vanessa is pulling away, a little embarrassed.

“C’mon,” Charity says, giving her a light shove towards the doors. “You’ll lose your feet standing out ‘ere like this.”

“Oh, shut up. You’re the one standing in your pyjamas.”

“Well you’re the one who followed us here in the first place!” She shoots back childishly, aiming to get a rise out of Vanessa.

Vanessa turns in her tracks with a deadpan expression that has Charity chuckling before she even speaks. “We got here a good four hours before you.”

-

“For a big lad, you can’t seem to hack your drink very well.” Vanessa says passively as she cuts up Moses’ bacon on his plate. “Get that from ya mum, I’d say.”

“Ey.” Charity nudges Vanessa’s shin under the table with the tip of her snow boot. They’re all dressed and ready for another long day out in the wilderness, the two women having agreed to spend as much time together as possible before they leave, for the boy’s sake of course, but Charity can’t help but feel light around the edges at the prospect.

Noah mutters something under his breath, the sound muted with his head dropped to the crook of his arm on the table.

“He didn’t get in ‘til about,” Charity feigns checking her watch, smirking to herself, “oh, about three hours ago.”

“Drunk as a skunk?” Vanessa asks, stabbing a mushroom on the end of her fork.

Charity snorts out a laugh. “Remember that time you tried out the welly? Well double that.”

“Can we please stop talking about drinking?” Noah cuts the conversation short. His face pale and bags under his eyes so dark, he looks as though he’s had a fight with death. “I’m never doing it again, _ever_.”

“Well,” Charity says louder than necessary as she leans in towards him, “I hope you’re ready to give skiing another go today. Ness, said she’d teach us properly.”

A high-pitched groan of pain sounds from between Noah’s hand where they’re cradling his face, holding his head up from falling to the cool table where he no doubt wants it to be.

“Give over.” Vanessa gives his shoulder a shake, nearly toppling him from his chair. “The fresh air’ll do ya some good.” She turns to smile at Charity.

Charity diverts her gaze quickly, she’d been staring, watching the interaction with something welling deep in her chest. For Christ’s sakes, she feels like the Grinch at the end of the film. Finally starting to feel. She’s reminded too sharply of how much she’d missed the simple things like this.

She can’t let those feelings grow, though, not now; she’s got so much to lose, her boys to keep safe. She’s spent so long making mistakes as a mother, a lot of those hurting Moses and Noah, even Debbie. It’s taken her so long to grow to the woman she is, a mother who tries for her kids, she can’t let her own feelings get in the way of that now.

-

To no one’s surprise, Noah had tried to wrangle his way out of skiing that morning, almost begging Charity after breakfast to let him sleep off his hangover. Unquestionably, she’d denied him any chance of escaping, claiming that if she’d have to fall on her arse ten times over then so did he, hungover or not.

So, all too begrudgingly, they set off up the main road towards the ski lifts. Noah with his hood up and sunglasses on, trails a good couple of feet behind them. Moses and Johnny jump on clumps of frozen snow, holding hands and laughing as it explodes under their feet.

Charity remains pretty quiet the whole walk up, only piping up when Vanessa asks her a question or includes her in conversation. Last night and then again at breakfast this morning, Charity’s mind has been reeling. Somehow, reasons unbeknownst to her, this feels normal, being with Vanessa again, moments, only a few minutes at a time, Charity feel like they’d never been apart.

It’s frustrating and maddening to her, these feelings clouding her judgement. Vanessa’s stood inches away, close enough that Charity’s begging to feel the urge to just reach out and take her hand in her own, to regain some semblance of a relationship long gone.

“I’ll take these two.” Noah say’s as they reach the ski lifts, he’s got both boys by their hands and is already walking up to jump on the first lift before either Charity or Vanessa can protest.

They’re left slightly dumbfounded until Charity barks out her amusement. “He’s gonna regret that when them two start talking his ear off.” She grabs Vanessa by the crook of the elbow and tugs her gently towards the lifts. “C’mon.”

They’re almost about to jump onto one of the lifts when Vanessa pulls out of Charity’s grasp and freezes. She’s looking at the wires looming over their heads apprehensively. “So, erm, you remember that time when we were talking about our worst fears and stuff?” It takes a while for Charity to realise Vanessa’s referring to one of their late-night conversations, when they’d been wrapped up in each other’s arms; the lights were off, curtains drawn and the late hour creeping up on them. “An’ I told you I didn’t like deep water?”

Charity, beginning to see where this is going despite her confusion, takes a step towards Vanessa. “You’re scared of heights, huh?” She asks, following Vanessa’s line of sight to where the boys are disappearing up the side of the mountain.

“It’s not that high.” Trying and failing to hide her laughter, she has to jump out of the way of a rogue fist that flies towards her arm. “Honestly, babe, it won’t be that bad once we’re up there.”

“I think I’ll just walk.” Vanessa is about ready to turn when Charity grabs her hand.

“I won’t let go of you, alright?” Charity says with such sincerity that Vanessa’s shoulders drop slightly. She allows Charity to tug her over to the lift and they both climb up, Charity pulling the bar down over the top of them with one hand and the other, still, clasped firmly in Vanessa’s. She tries not to think about that too much, how her hand’s trapped in a death grip, Vanessa holding on to _her_ , for dear life. “I knew you were no Dingle, but this, I thought you’d have more in you.” She settles on mocking humour, complete avoidance of kindness in this moment is her best bet.

Vanessa shoots her a scathing glare. “Maybe I’ll just find a spider to let loose in your room tonight.” She threatens with such sincerity that Charity’s head jolts away, turning to face the lift in front of them where the three boys are sitting.

“You wouldn’t...”

“I would.” Her voice comes out tense. Up ahead, they watch the boys jump off the lift into the snow bellow them. Vanessa lets out a sharp gasp that swiftly transforms into an incredulous laugh, pulling their joined hands to her chest. “I am not jumping off this thing.”

Charity snorts. “Hate to break it to ya, but if you don’t want to stay on this thing all day then you’re gonna have to.” She gives Vanessa’s hand a gentle squeeze, and as reassuring of a smile as she can muster.

“Ready?” It’s barely a warning, the bars already lifting up over their heads, an action that causes a terrified squeak to blurt from Vanessa’s lungs. She gives Vanessa’s hand a sharp yank and then they’re falling to the ground, a short distance but enough of a jump that Charity’s stomach lurches slightly.

It takes her a second to realise Vanessa is no longer clinging to her hand. Charity turns, searching for the other woman, she glances down and finds her buried, face down in the snow.

“Pile on!” Moses screams from where they’re walking down to meet the two women. Johnny and he plough through the thick snow and launch their tiny bodies on top of Vanessa’s.

-

She’s bruised, cold, hangry, and downright pissed off.

Falling on her arse over and over again, without so much as moving a couple of feet, is getting old fast. She huffs out an irritated breath, using Moses as a crutch, grabbing at his shoulders to clamber to her feet, the ski’s slipping and sliding on top of the snow and she wobbles precariously for a second.

“I can’t believe you brother just stormed off with his new friends.” She grunts out, ruffling the top of Moses’ head.

Laughing, he helps his mum wipe the snow off her arms. “No, he didn’t, he’s right here.” He says, as though Charity’s lost her mind; he points over to Johnny where he’s clinging to Vanessa’s hands, sliding forwards through the snow.

Charity’s about to correct him when the words settle in her gut. They pull at something foreign, his innocence blind to the truth. “Silly me, eh?” She says tensely instead. Two years for Moses hasn’t changed a thing for him, Johnny and Vanessa are still family.

“Mummy?” Moses looks up at Charity, his face knotted with confusion and worry. “Does Santa know we’re here?”

Charity smiles softly, “course he does, kid.”

“But how?” His bottom lip juts out in a pout. “Did you send him a post card from the gift shop?”

That makes Charity laugh, her eyes crinkling at the sides. “Chas gave him a call before we left and told him to bring your presents here this year.”

He stops to think about that for a moment, mulling her explanation over in his head before he nods, accepting it as a reasonable explanation. “Okay.” He says before shuffling off over to Vanessa and Johnny.

Charity watches him go, he’s nearly got the whole skiing thing mastered, reaching the pair with ease. Vanessa takes his hand in her own, his other taking Johnny’s and the three of them move a couple of feet before Moses’s tips to his side slightly and loses his footing. She feels a mocking quip forming in her mouth but before she can blurt it out, a scream from behind alerts her to Noah’s presence.

She turns, ready to play hell with him for running off with his new friends, when she realises he’s hurting towards her far too fast, one ski in the snow the other in the air. “ _Move_!” he cries, “I can’t stop.”

Charity’s up in the air before she can even process what’s happening, Noah slamming into her, sending her at least five feet into the air and landing with a thud and a yelp in the snow. Everything goes black for a second, a deep ringing in her ears.

“Mum!”

“Oh, god, _Charity_.”

-

Charity’s sat in a chair half way down the mountain in the medic’s base. A plaster’s been placed on the side of her temple and an ice pack is steadily melting in her hand. “I can’t believe you used me as vet practice.” She mutters, bring the pack up to her head to sooth the throbbing ache that’s still steadily thumping.

Behind an embarrassed looking Noah, she can see Vanessa’s shoulders bobbing with silent laughter. “It was the perfect opportunity, mum.” He at least has the decency to look sheepish.

“You’re not training to be a doctor, babe!” Charity bursts, exasperated, flinging the ice pack down to the table beside her.

Her outburst breaks Vanessa’s remaining composure and her laughter echoes around the small cabin. “I’m sorry,” she wheezes out, waving her hand apologetically. “You were brilliant, Noah.” Vanessa places her hand on the small of his back and rounds him to stand beside Charity, helping her up out of the chair before briefly inspected the plaster, her thumb sliding over the surface. “Made sure you didn’t have a concussion or out, didn’t he?”

“He’s the one who bloody knocked me out in the first place.” She says without malice to her tone, tearing her gaze away from Vanessa’s inquisitive scrutiny of the medic’s work, eyeing him up with a warning as she storms passed him. More embarrassed than angry, she flings the door open and steps out into the freezing air, Noah’s group of friends are standing outside waiting, disconcerted expressions plastered to their faces. “And you lot,” she points her finger at them. “Don’t send my son down the side of a mountain strapped to death traps again.”

“Mum…” Noah whines, burying his face in his hands. “I had it all under control.”

Scoffing, she rounds on her eldest. “Oh yeah, you screaming bloody murder sounded like you had everything just fine.” She snaps. “You made Sam chasing that bloody turkey around the village, look _good_.” Ignoring the sniggering of his new friends, Charity stops, a moment of confusion sparking in the back of her head. “When did you learn French?” She asks, briefly remembering a moment while she’d been too dizzy to focus, Noah talking to the medic in the cabin, the odd word coming out foreign to her ears.

Once again, Noah’s face turns pink. “There’s a girl in my biology lecture, she, erm, she taught me a few phrases.”

“Oh, aye?” She shoots Vanessa a knowing smirk, silently laughing between them.

Before Charity can embarrass her son any more, Vanessa hands Moses over to Noah and hoists Johnny into her own arms. “I’m starving.” She purposefully links her arm with Charity’s, steering her in the direction of the path back down to their hotel. “Who fancies some pizza?” She asks, waiting for the excited cheers to sound from Moses and Johnny.

-

Moses’ jerky giggles echo up and down the corridor of the hotel as Noah bounces him up and down on his back. “You said it was this one, right?” Charity asks Noah, pointing at a door a floor up from their own. He nods, too busy trying to free his hood from Moses’ chocking grip he’s got on it to reply.

Charity raps her fist against the wood of the door with more force than she means to. She shuffles from one foot to another, nervously waiting for the door to open. She’s about to turn this waiting game into a game of ‘knock and nash’ when the door swings open and Charity comes face to face with a grinning Johnny.

“Johnny!” Vanessa’s voice rings shrill and hurried through the hallway behind him. “What have I told you about opening the do-” she comes to a halt behind him, her hand firmly on his back. “Hi.” When she realises who’s standing in the door way, a beaming smile tugs at the edges of her lips.

“We were gonna head into town and get some Christmas shopping done.” She raises an eyebrow conspiratorially, shooting a quick downwards glance at Johnny.

“‘Cause _someone_ ,” Noah pipes up. “Left the _you know what_ , back at the pub.” He says accusingly, causing Vanessa to chuckle lightly.

Charity smacks the back of his head lightly. “I wish I’d left you at the pub, cheeky little…” she trails off, remembering who’s company she’s in. “So yeah, we wanted to know if you two would like to come with?”

“What do you say?” Vanessa asks sweetly, ruffling the hair on top of Johnny’s head. He doesn’t look too excited at the thought of shopping, however. “We could maybe go ice skating later on?” she adds, hoping it’s enough to sway his decision.

He lets out an abrupt squeal, scaring the life out of both Charity and Vanessa as he charges back into their room to go find his coat.

“Come in.” Vanessa says’ stepping out of their way, giving them space to move past her. Charity, Noah and Moses all step inside together. “Let us just get sorted and we’ll be right with you.”

“We’re not keeping you from anything, are we?” Charity asks, loosening the scarf around her neck.

Vanessa pokes her head out of her room, pulling the hair out of the inside of her jacket. “Nope, we were just going to do some colouring.” She says, pointing towards some paper and pens on the coffee table.

“How exciting.” Charity teases. “Did you hear about that blizzard that’s coming in?” She calls through to Vanessa. Her room isn’t much smaller than Charity’s, the layout’s the same but mirrored with the living room at the centre, and the bedroom and bathroom on the right.

She pokes her head out the door way again, ushering Johnny out in front of her. “What?”

“Yeah, went down to the lobby to get some extra towels an’ the guy behind the desk was telling this German bloke.” She explains, leading the small group back out into the hallway as Vanessa switches the lights off and locks up. “Apparently, well I think, he said the ski slopes would be closed, or something.”

Vanessa’s face drops somewhat as realisation sets in. “Oh no, that’s rubbish.” She genuinely sounds gutted and for a moment, Charity feels as though she’s responsible. “Did they say how long for?”

Charity almost doesn’t want to give her an answer, doesn’t want to be the cause of Vanessa’s displeasure. “I could be wrong.” She says, trying to refrain from dampening Vanessa’s mood any further. “It was very German, that whole conversation, an’ you know how angry they sound when they talk an’all.”

Vanessa gives Charity a pointed glare, holding her gaze for as long as Charity dares. “Just tell me, Charity.”

She huffs out a defeated sigh. “Pretty sure they said it wouldn’t clear up until after Christmas.” Vanessa’s shoulders drop and the disappointment in her eyes, kills Charity a little bit. “I’m sorry, Ness.”

“Yeah, we know how much you like you skiing, never used to shut about that time you and Rona went during uni.” Noah pipes up giving her an apologetic smile.

“But, hey.” Charity spreads her arms wide as if presenting a brilliant idea. “We can do other stuff! They have a games room, yeah?” She looks at Noah for confirmation. “An, an’ a pool!”

“Yeah, but we can do all that down at the community centre.” Vanessa sighs, looking far too disappointed at her suggestions. “Not that I’d want to.” She grimaces slightly at the thought.

“Babe, there’s plenty of other things we can do, though.” Charity ignores the curious look Noah gives her, his left eye twitching slightly as if he’s dying to say something. “We could bake an’ by ‘we’ I mean you ‘cause I don’t do that sort of thing.” She says, dancing a victory dance inside her head when Vanessa’s mouth twitches into a smile. “And while you do that we can watch movies and make snowflakes!” The very idea of it makes her stomach hurt, far too domestic for her. “I’ll even let you raid the mini bar in our room.”

That, it seems, finally lightens Vanessa’s mood enough that a spring returns to each step she takes. “That does sound better than freezing my arse off out there.” She says.

“No, it doesn’t.” Noah grunts.

“Shut up, you.” Charity whacks him in his stomach.

“Mind you,” Vanessa starts, “I’m struggling to picture you making snowflakes with the boys.”

“You want a thump an’all?” Charity turns on Vanessa with a teasing glint to her eyes.

-

Charity watches from a safe distance as Noah, sitting between Johnny and Moses, tears off portions of his pretzel and hands each boy and piece.  They’d given up on ice skating, finding the activity much harder than skiing itself and had settled off to the side of the rink. Vanessa’s stood beside her, the pair leaning on the barrier with hot cups of coffee, their shopping bags at their feet.

She isn’t sure at what point they had huddled together to avoid the brunt of the cold wind, her arm is along the back of the barrier and Vanessa’s stepped in bedside her, their hips pressed together. Charity’s surprised at how calm she feels, at how little she feels worried or scared, because in that moment, she thinks, she’s never felt as content in the past couple of years without the other woman.

“They’re so cute.” Vanessa says, not really making conversation but observing.

Charity blows on the top of her coffee, feigning indifference. “Mhm, _adorable_.” She won’t dare admit that the sight before her makes her stupidly happy.

Vanessa swats at Charity’s chest. “He’s grown up so much.”

Charity sniggers. “Which one?” She leans in a bit closer to Vanessa, the wind whipping up slightly, lifting dusty snow up off the ground in spirals of white clouds.

“Noah.” She feels Vanessa shuffle faintly beside her, turning to face Charity ever so slightly, enough that Charity can feel the warm breath against her cheek as she speaks. “He’s a proper adult now, all sensible.”

Charity scoffs. “You didn’t see him coming in last night, bumbling all over the spot he was.” She says. “No responsibility whatsoever.”

That has Vanessa chuckling gently as she takes a sip of her coffee. “Remind you of someone?” She says perceptively. “You know what I mean.”

“He’s calmed down a lot.” Charity admits, keeping her eyes glued to the three boys perched on a bench beneath a tree lit obnoxiously with so many fairy lights that the streets lamps have been rendered unnecessary.

“I told you he would, teenagers and their hormones.”

Charity hums her agreement. “I think you helped him a lot, y’know.” She admits warily, keeping her head bowed down. “You helped give him a normal life, I think that’s summet he really needed.”

Turning to face Charity, Vanessa looks up at her with a soft expression. “You forget you were at least fifty percent of that ‘normal life’.” She reaches down and tangles her fingers with Charity’s giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

“All thanks to your relentless pursuit, if I remember correctly.” Charity teases, wiggling her eyebrows at the other woman as she takes a smug sip of her coffee.

With mock outrage, Vanessa lets out a shocked gasp and takes a small step back. “Excuse me,” she says, “but I remember you chasing me to that gay bar.”

“An’ like I said, only ‘cause I were worried you’d end up dead.” Charity fires back with the same smugness she’d had that very night. Figuring it’s an argument she can’t win, Vanessa resolves with a roll of her eyes and settles back to her previous position beside Charity, their hands still encompassed between them. “How about we go get those three sorted an’ head back?”

Humming out her agreement, Vanessa picks up some of the bags, leaving the rest for Charity to grab with her free hand. The boys look up as they hear them approaching, Noah’s eyes flicker down to their hands and then back up, an unreadable expression on his face. He’s pulled from his thought’s when Moses nudges him in his side and whispers something into his ear. “Oh, yeah. Moses and Johnny were wondering if we could have a sleep over tonight?” And then, silently moving his lips, he adds, ‘ _please say no,_ ’ with wide panicked eyes.

Chuckling, Vanessa finally drop Charity’s hand and makes her way over to Johnny who’s clinging to the side of Noah’s jacket for dear life. “How about we go have a movie night instead and then maybe another day you can have a sleepover?” That seems to please them enough into agreeing and Noah, to his relief, shoots her a silent thank you.

-

Behind them, Charity and Vanessa can hear ‘Arthur Christmas’ playing on the TV. Noah’s flunked off to their room on the phone to a friend from university and the two women are sat huddled in their jackets and blankets out on the balcony, sipping on small glasses of wine. They’ve pushed their chairs together to keep warm, looking out over the top of the railing at the view of the mounting, beginning to be shrouded with thick, black cloud filled with snow.

“That’ll be it, I’d say.” Vanessa says, pointing with her glass towards the sky. “‘Ere to ruin our holiday.”

Charity settles further into her chair, pulling the blanket up under her chin. “I don’t think it will be too bad, babe.” She says, “the boys seem to be enjoying each other’s company, don’t they?”

“I s’pose they are.” Vanessa admits, throwing a glance over her shoulder at the boys sat on the couch eating left over pizza.

Charity gives Vanessa’s arm a playful nudge. “I don’t think they’d mind sticking it out in this place, as long as they’re together.”

The thought makes Vanessa smile. “What about you?” When Charity just gives her a confused look, Vanessa throws a leg over the side of the chair, angling her body to face her. “Do you mind being stuck in here?” There’s a ringing sound of hopefulness that winds its way through Vanessa’s words, settling around Charity’s heart.

“As long as we’re together.”

 

 

  


	4. Be Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp... just go with it.

 

The sound of tiny fists thumping against the door to their room is what startles Charity out of her nightmare filled sleep. She’s completely, heart racing out of her chest, terrified, for a good few seconds until she regains her bearings, the images of fire and blood melt away to the room of the hotel and gratefully, she slings the covers off her body, clumping them on top of Moses and stomps over to the door.

“Listen, kid, you’re cute an’ all, but…” Her words tangle in her mouth when she spots the pair on the other side of the door, both in Santa hats, arms filled with food for breakfast and a bag full of what she assumes are DVD’s.

“Looket the snow!” Johnny screams with so much excitement that Charity can feel her head spinning. She frowns looking down at her watch.

“It’s eight in the flippin’ morning.” She nearly shrieks, stepping aside to let her two guests in with a soft smile tugging her lips upwards at the sight, regardless of the frustration at being awoken so early.

“Looket the snow, Chatty!” Johnny repeats, tugging her towards the window.

She lets him pull her through the room, hearing Vanessa close the door behind her, the sound of her laughter rings through. “How about you go wake Moses and Noah up, they’re through there.” Charity points him in the direction of their bedroom and grins when she hears him screeching his arrival.

Charity feels Vanessa’s hand settle on the small of her back before she even hears her approaching. “Sorry for the early wakeup,” she whispers softly. “He wouldn’t settle once he’d looked outside.”

“And so, you brought the noise to us.” Charity retorts with mock disgust. She smiles as Vanessa holds up a steaming cup of coffee from the bar downstairs and hands it over. “I forgive you, though.”

“You should really look outside, Charity.” Vanessa says, wandering over to the double doors on the other side of the TV.

“Ness, I hate to break it to you, but it’s been snowing pretty heavy since we got here.” She says, despite following Vanessa over to the doors. She about to tease her about her constant worrying but the words get stuck somewhere in her throat. The snow piled up on the balcony, where the two women had sat out the night before until they’d gotten too cold, is now half way up the doors, a good four feet tall, much taller than Moses and Johnny. “Oh.” Is all she can say. She doesn’t think she’d be able to push the door open even if she wanted to. “That’s a bit more than a lot of snow, that is.”

“It’s all been cleared downstairs,” Vanessa says, standing on her tip toes to peer down at the town bellow them. “But I heard someone saying everyone down there is snowed in, all the shops an’all.”

“Flippin’ ‘eck.”

-

The five of them are sat in front of the TV, bacon butties eaten, and coffee flowing easily between Charity, Noah and Vanessa. Johnny had picked some Disney film for them to watch and had immediately jumped into Charity’s lap the second it started.

Noah’s settled down into the arm chair across from them and Vanessa and Moses are on the couch beside Charity, the young boy sat between the two women, munching quietly on a cold piece of bacon. The quilts from the bed have been dragged along with them, Charity and Moses’ double tossed over the couch and Noah’s cocooned himself in his own with only his head and the tips of his toes visible. They’re crammed contentedly into the corner of the couch, a good two foot free behind Vanessa where she’s situated herself in the middle, Moses’ legs tossed across hers and he’s tugged her arm to wrap around his shoulders.

“Kid,” Charity says, making Johnny jump slight with surprise. “Go down to the lobby an’ tell ‘em our bloody heating’s gone.” She says just as a shudder ripples through her body and she buries herself and Johnny further into the confines of the couch and quilt.

“Why can’t you?” Noah grunts, already tossing his quilt to the floor.

‘‘Cuase I can see you’re bored out ya mind an’ I’ve got this one on me, eh?” She says sternly enough that Noah’s throwing on his hoodie and racing out the door with mumbled groans of displeasure. Vanessa playfully slaps Charity’s arm where its resting along the back of the couch. “What was that for?”

“You’re so bad.” She says around a laugh, rolling her eyes.

Raising a challenging eyebrow at Vanessa, Charity shoots her a smirk. “Isn’t that what you liked about me?”

Vanessa’s grin softens, and something burns in her eyes. “Among other things.”

Charity feels her breath hitch in her chest and the smile that’s pulling at her lips is making her cheeks hurt. She doesn’t trust herself to say anything, though, but before she can stop it, her hand’s reaching down to where Vanessa’s arms tangled around Moses and takes her hand.

She feels her heart in her throat when Vanessa drops her head gently to the back of the couch and beams up at her. Vanessa squeezes her and doesn’t let go, holding on. “Ness-”

“The whole buildings lost heat.” Noah says, clattering back into their room, swinging the door so hard that it bangs against the wall. “But I saw a bunch of these, so a just grabbed one.”

Vanessa pulls her hand out of Charity’s, an empty feeling filling her at the loss of contact but both women turn at the same time to see Noah carrying a Christmas tree over his shoulder. “Did you nick that?” Vanessa asks, amused shock in her voice.

“I doubt they’d notice one gone.” Noah shrugs his shoulders and carries it into the living room.

“We don’t have out to decorate it with.” Charity says, lifting Johnny into her spot on the couch and standing to help Noah strip the tree of the netting around it.

“Don’t care,” he says. “Never had a real tree ‘ave a.”

“You could get into trouble for this.” Vanessa stands to help despite her concerns.

“Who cares, Vanessa?” Charity laughs sending her a dirty grin behind Noah’s back, an echo of words she’d spoken nearly four years ago. “Bit of compensation for the heating thing, innit. We’ll just have to make sure to leave the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the handle.” But then her feature relax as a thought occurs to her. “We could burn it if worse comes to worse.”

Scoffing, Vanessa walks over to the bag of supplies she’d carried in with her earlier that morning and pulls out a few sheets of paper. “We could make snowflakes for it?”

-

Tree decorated and _it’s a Wonderful Life_ playing on the TV – Vanessa’s choice – the two families have settled on the floor of the living room around a board game. The tension in the room is high and stormy, much like the weather outside. The sky black and thunderous, a promise of more snow to come, looming dangerously on the horizon.

“You don’t think flights home will be affected, do you?” Noah asks, rolling his dice and moving a pin around the board.

“Nah.” Vanessa says. “They’re not like us here, built for this weather, they are.” Vanessa’s own pin lands on Noah’s and sends him back to the start.

“That’s if we can even make it to the airport.” Charity mumbles, not really paying any attention to what’s going on around her. Her minds still glued to the brief moment earlier, that had passed between her and Vanessa. She’s further drawn to how to whole thing hadn’t felt out of the ordinary, how this whole trip hadn’t felt dissimilar to any other moment the pair had shared, be it with their strange little family or the two of them alone. Every second of this trip so far that they’d all been together had felt new and exciting but so normal and routine like, that Charity could feel herself slipping further into the woman she’d been while with Vanessa, the good her, the best version of herself that she could be.

“I’m sure between now and then, the roads will ‘ave been cleared.” Vanessa says, eyeing Charity curiously.

“Ness.” Noah says, shuffling from left to right trying to make himself comfortable. “I were wondering,” he rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly fidgeting, “when we get home, if I could do my placement with you?”

That’s enough to startle Charity from her thoughts, staring blankly at her son then across at Vanessa who looks just as shocked as she feels.

“I mean, it would only be a few weeks an’ I’d get if you don’t want me to…”

“I’d love that.” Vanessa says fast and blunt. Her head gives him a sharp nod as if punctuating her reply.

“Really?” Noah asks, surprised.

“Yeah, of course. Just give ‘es a call when you ‘ave all the details and I’ll get it sorted for you.”

With pink cheeks, Noah clears his throat and ducks his head shyly. “Cheers, Ness.”

It’s not until Vanessa looks up at her with an ecstatic grin on her face that Charity realises she has tears in her eyes. She quickly clears her throat and jumps to her feet, rushing off to make more coffee. “How about we finish up this game and go grab some lunch?” She calls over her shoulder, keeping her face safely hidden from view. “Pretty sure we could go steal some of that heat from the fire they’ve got down there, an’all.”

Charity nearly jumps out of her skin when she feels a hand on the small of her back. Vanessa’s looking at her with worried eyes, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. “Is that okay with you?” She asks Charity gently, cautious not to upset her. When Charity, unable to form any solid words, raises her eyebrow in confusion, Vanessa hurries on. “Only, I’d understand if you weren’t keen on the idea-”

“I’m thrilled, babe.” Charity finally manages. Giving her the sincerest smile that she can muster with a rock forming in her throat and tears pricking at her eyes again. “I’m so, so happy he asked you.” She hopes Vanessa can hear the truth in her words. “It’s just I hoped he’d do it in the village, I barely get to see him enough as it is.” She explains, shrugging a shoulder dismissively. “But,” she turns to reassure Vanessa quickly, sensing an apology forming on her lips. “At least if he’s with you,” she pauses, breathing in a calming breath, and makes sure she looks deep into her eyes as she finishes speaking her thoughts, “he’ll be with family.”

-

Charity watches as Vanessa walks out of the bedroom, running her fingers through her hair out of tiredness rather than fixing the fallen strands. She slumps down onto the couch with a heavy sigh, collapsing into Charity’s side. “They wanted all the voices.” She whines, rubbing the tiredness in her eyes.

Charity laughs softly, kicking her feet up onto the coffee table. “Thank god. Mos complains I do ‘em wrong all the time.” She could never read the bed time stories the way Vanessa had, a fact she was sorely reminded of every night for two years.

Vanessa snorts out a laugh at this. “‘Cause all your voices sound the same.” She pats Charity’s thigh with mock sympathy.

“Give over.” Charity says, shoving at Vanessa gently. “Fancy another film?” She points at the TV with the remote.

Huffing as he stands, Noah clumps his duvet in his arms. “I need sleep so, whatever.” He wanders over to the couch and begins making himself comfortable.

“Go take the bed, kid. I’ll have the couch.” Charity says thoughtfully, waving him off.

“You sure?” He asks, looking towards the bedroom longingly. Johnny and Moses are already fast asleep in her bed, she can hear their soft snores sounding through the half-closed door.

“Yeah, don’t ‘ave to worry about me.”

“G’night, mum.” Noah says, hesitantly making his way towards the bedroom. “Night, Ness.” He adds as an afterthought.

“Goodnight, love.” Vanessa gives his arm a squeeze when he passes her, and he shoots a fleeting smile over his shoulder at the two women in response.

Charity and Vanessa both settle into a comfortable silence, wordlessly beginning to flick through their options before she settles on _Home Alone_ and the film starts playing. Charity’s content, so relaxed in the moment that she doesn’t think as she tosses her arm behand Vanessa’s back and pulls her into her side.

With no resistance, Vanessa leans in to the warmth of Charity’s body, laying her forearm across her thigh, her hand settling on her knee. It’s far too intimate for either of them to brush off, can’t act like this is a normal occurrence for either of them.

However, it occurs to Charity in that moment, that while over the past two years that statement is true, she can’t confidently, vouch for Vanessa. Surely Vanessa would have mentioned a girlfriend. There’s no ring on her finger, no white tan line where one has sat within the last two years, but a girlfriend is possible.

After all, Charity reasons, Vanessa is beautiful, she’s funny, kind, loving and so completely selfless that anyone who undoubtedly crossed her path would fall for her. Would fall head over heels in love with her without a second thought, just as Charity had all those years ago.

Charity hears the words tumbling from her mouth, feels the vibrations as she speaks without even thinking. “Has there been anyone else?” Her body goes cold and the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

Vanessa, so subtly and almost unnoticeably, tenses in Charity’s arm. She thinks, maybe that that’s all the confirmation she needs but then she feels Vanessa shake her head ever so slightly. She stays silent for a long time, the pause lasting for almost a whole scene on the film, until finally, her voice comes out around a croaked whisper. “I tried but I, they…” she sighs, frustration evident in her tone at her inability to form a coherent thought under pressure. “No,” she settles on, finally. “There hasn’t been anyone else.”

Charity’s grip subconsciously tightens when she feels relief wash over her in a cooling wave. “Oh.” She feels like a complete idiot, her blunt and detached response stalling any flow or direction the conversation may have taken.

Vanessa, though, doesn’t seem to mind, doesn’t shift away or say anything else. But she removes her hand from Charity’s leg and for a brief second, she worries the other woman is going to get up and leave, but Vanessa reaches across her own midsection and grasps Charity’s hand firmly in her own where its resting on her hip, intertwining their fingers in a death grip.  

She doesn’t mean to hold her breath, but the thought of breaking, whatever this is, has a freezing panic steadily rising in her gut. She keeps having to remind herself that Vanessa was the one who left her, that they’re rebuilding a connection here, but their kids are at the heart of this, they’re the ones who could get hurt this time; old enough to understand and feel pain when they realise they’ve been torn apart again.

She’s not sure what’s happening between Vanessa and her, but she can feel her own feelings for Vanessa blossoming like they’d survived an ice age, steadily thawing out with each passing day they spend together.

Charity knows they need to talk about this before they leave, before anyone can get in too deep and the hurt is irreversible this time.

-

Charity wakes up the following morning feeling well rested for the first time in a long time, despite the crick in her neck and a fidgeting body beneath her. She knows it’s Vanessa without even opening her eyes, the smell of her lavender shampoo is drowning her senses and the shape of her body beneath her own is warm and comforting in a way only hers has ever been.

When the realisation that they’d fallen asleep together watching films the night before settles in, however, Charity feels herself jerking up off the couch, scrambling for footing on the ground as she uprights herself. Vanessa, feeling the loss of contact, stirs but doesn’t wake up; she curls in on herself, tucking her knees up to her chest and turns to face the back of the couch.

She can’t do anything but stare down at the sight before her, something she hasn’t seen for a long time, and something she hadn’t realised she’d missed until now. All those months they’d spend together, nearly two year’s worth of them, and not once had Charity took the time to appreciate Vanessa this way.

Charity squeezes her eyes shut, trying to stop the train of thought before it drives her off a very steep, very dangerous cliff. She turns on her heels, needing the space to breathe; she goes to check on the boys, still sound asleep in the bedroom, then sticks the kettle on to boil.

The majority of the day goes much the same way as the last, the three boys playing together, watching movies, Vanessa even ropes them into playing another board game with her before they all get bored and decide to go down to the family bar for lunch.

Charity, however, doesn’t feel the same as she had the day before. Today, she’s jumpy, on edge, and with every fleeting touch from Vanessa or confused glance, she feels herself recoiling, turning in on herself and away from the love she feels blossoming inside of her chest.

They’re out on the wooden decking that surrounds the hotel, the majority of the snow having been shovelled aside and the surface gritted, while the snow keeps falling heavily. It’s ironic, Charity thinks, that all this work has been put into clearing their path, making it safe for them to walk around safely outside, for the inevitable elements to plunge in and cover the tracks with thick blankets of snow and ice.

The boys are down on the slope of grass between their hotel and the building next to theirs; the snows untouched bar their own footsteps as they begin piling snow together. Johnny’s standing on a high piece of land, shouting orders to Noah as he rolls the snow into a neat ball, Moses making a similar, but unevenly shaped smaller one for the head of the snowman they’re presumably building.

“Just like his mother.” Charity muses with a teasing lilt to her tone. She smirks as she glances out the side of her eye at Vanessa, mirroring her position as they both leaning against the railings.

With a scandalised gasp, Vanessa spins on Charity. “I am not _that_ bossy.”

Scoffing, Charity playfully rolls her eyes and nudges her with her shoulder. “You can’t even deny it, babe.”

Vanessa can only gape hopelessly for a comeback, her mouth bobbing open and closed like a goldfish until she comes to the conclusion that any protest is fruitless. “You’re insufferable.”

Charity can’t help but smile at that, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards and she feels Vanessa shift closer to her, their arms pressed gently. They fall silent for a short while, watching the boys attempt to build their disfigured snowman with difficulty, parts of its body crumbling under the weight of Moses diving on top of it.

It’s not until Moses and Johnny start face planting into the snow that Vanessa finally speaks up again. “What about you?” She asks, “was there anyone else for you?” Vanessa’s voice shakes with nerves. “Is there?”

Charity can feel the air shifting between them, it the same feeling from the night before, the world around them disappearing until it’s just the two of them. “No.” She says shortly without meaning to. She blinks once, then twice and her boys come back into view, Noah attempting to yank Moses and Johnny out of the snow by their arms. “There’s not been anyone else.” She adds, trying to calm the sudden bought of frustration that she feels bubbling in her chest. After all, she’d asked the same question the night before, but suddenly the idea of Vanessa asking her seems almost hypocritical.

“Okay,” she says quietly, “good.” Her voice is almost hopeful, happy even, and Charity feels herself bristle at the tone.

She turns towards Vanessa, disbelieving. “ _Good_?”

Startled by Charity’s incredulousness, she steps back, an apologetic look rippling across her face. “I-”

“You don’t get to be happy about that.” Charity snaps. A niggling feeling of guilt stinging in her chest at her own, two-faced words, but she’s hurt, her heart still heeling only to be torn apart again those few days ago in the lobby. “You’re the one who left me, or did you forget about that?”

Noah’s heavy boots stomping up the steps alert the two women to his presence before Vanessa gets the chance to defend herself. Moses and Johnny are by his side, looking cold and damp. “I’m, erm, I’m gonna take these two inside.” He says, looking red and embarrassed.

“Get them changed.” Charity says shortly.

“There’s a magic show on in the kid’s room.” Vanessa adds, her voice evidently shaking despite her attempts to keep it levelled and composed, and Charity hates how much the sound tugs at her heart.

Noah gives a sharp nod. “Yeah, alright.”

When the three boys disappear inside the building, Charity turns away. She feels the tension beginning to battle between her shoulder blades, ready to snap. She knows the second Vanessa speaks her composure will crumble and she’ll either give Vanessa everything she asks for or erupt into a shadow of her past self, all anger and self-doubt.

“I’m sorry, Charity.” Vanessa’s pleading with her to turn around, to face her and talk about this like adults. “You have to know that I’ve regretted it every day since.”

“ _Don’t_ , Vanessa.” She all but screams, her voice cracking at the edges, scarred with emotion. “I loved you. I loved you so much and you just walked away.” She finally turns, her face like thunder as she storms into the other woman’s space. “You don’t have the right to apologise to me, not _again_.” She’s being harsh, too harsh and she knows it. Knows that Vanessa was only trying to protect Johnny, the way she’d protected Charity during the court case. But she’s dredging up the past, fallouts and breakups that happened long before Vanessa walked out. “I gave you a second chance after you went behind my back and called the police, I _told_ you, that was the last time.” She growls, fear and resentment rippling through her body like a wild fire. “I thought you loved me, Ness.” Charity’s punching below the belt, she’s crossing a line by using the nick name with it, aiming to hurt rather than heal.

Vanessa’s face twists into one of pain, her eyes shining as heavy streams of tears mark streams down her cheeks. “I do love you, Charity. Of course, I love you.”

The use of the present tense doesn’t go unnoticed by Charity, her heart soaring and shattering at the same time. “If you did, you wouldn’t have walked out on us.” Charity sighs as her shoulders slump with exhaustion, purposefully avoiding what she knows Vanessa wants to hear her say. She watches a falling snow flake land on Vanessa cheek and melt.

“Don’t do this-”

“Vanessa-”

They speak at the same time but Vanessa’s the one to step forward this time. “Would you just shut up and listen to me?” She snaps. Charity’s mouth clamps shut. “I wanted to come back, every single day, you have to believe me, Charity I did.” She reaches up hesitantly and cups Charity’s face with soft palms.

Leaning into the warmth, she feels her eyes fluttering shut. “Then why didn’t you?”

Shrugging weakly, she strokes a thumb over the damp skin of Charity’s cheek. “I was embarrassed. I’d been telling you all that time not to run away from your problems and that’s exactly what I did. I was terrified you’d slam the door in my face if I ever came back.”

Despite the pain and regret Charity feels, it’s shrouded by anger and spite and she reluctantly pulls out of Vanessa’s reach. “You know me so well.” She spits with sarcasm. “I’m glad you think _so_ highly of me.” Charity shoves past Vanessa, ignoring her pleading for her to stay.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean, then?” She keeps her back to Vanessa, knows that if she sees the pain in her eyes, she’ll give in. “What do you want?”

“I want you, Charity. I want our family back.” She cries out a fragmented and wrangled sob, loud enough that it veils Charity’s own. “That’s what I’ve always wanted.”

Charity swipes at her tears but doesn’t turn around, instead she takes a step forward towards the front doors and walks. Away from Vanessa and the life she longs to take back in her arms.

“Please don’t leave me, Charity.”

Everything’s ruined now, beyond repair and everything she’s been hoping for, a future for her kids, to salvage a relationship for Moses and Johnny, has shattered in the space of two minutes.

-

The warmth of Vanessa’s hands is still tingling on Charity’s cheeks when she finds Noah slumped at a table in the back of hall type space with a stage set up at the front for nightly entertainment. It’s definitively aimed at the kids of the holiday makers with bright colours painted across the walls in all kinds of childish shapes. She can see Moses and Johnny sat amongst a group of other kids on the dance floor staring up at a clown pulling flowers out of his sleeve with unadulterated awe.

“How’d it go wi-” He looks up when he hears the chair beside him groan against the carpet but his words are silenced when he notices the black trails of mascara down his mum’s face. “What happened?” He straightens in his seat.

Charity shakes her head. Slouching forward, she buries her face in her hands. “Nothing.” Once upon a time, she’d have left a wave of destruction in her wake, focus only on her own rage instead of those around her. Sure, she’d made a right cock up of Vanessa and she but instead of turning to alcohol or fighting the first person she’d come across, she needed to feel the security of her son, feel the love he had for her like a rope tethering her to the earth.

“Mum.” He says with a warning tone that reminds her so much of Vanessa, it brings on a whole fresh wave of hurt and regret.

She lets out a defeated sigh, knowing fine well she’s fighting a losing battle. “We had an argument.” She says, hearing him scoff but choses to remain quiet otherwise, waiting for Charity to speak on her own terms. “I said some things I shouldn’t have.” She doesn’t expect what Noah says next.

“She still loves you.” He says with certainty.

She looks up, confused. “How…” Charity shakes her head, her words trailing off.

Noah lets out a humourless laugh at this, shaking his head in disbelief. “Come on, mum. It’s obvious.” He says, taking a sip of a beer she hadn’t noticed on the table until now. “It’s obvious you love her, too.”

“Noah.”

“No, mum, no excuses now.” Noah looks straight into her eyes. “Look, I know you were hurt when she left, I was, too. But we’ve had our time to be angry at her.” Hesitantly, he reaches out and takes her hand in his and she’s reminded of how much he’s grown up in the past couple of years. “She’s here now, an’ you both know you’re supposed to be together so, to be honest with you, I don’t know why you aren’t together already.” He says simply with a shrug.

Charity visibly deflates. “It’s not that simple, babe.”

“Why not? There’s nothing stopping you.” He asks with the innocence and selfishness of a child.

“Because Moses is old enough now to understand what it feels like to be abandoned.” She snaps. “I’m not going to put him through that.”

“Vanessa isn’t going to leave you again!”

Her remaining frustration fizzes to the surface of her skin, prickling at her eyes. “You don’t know that.”

“ _Yes_.” He says just as firmly and full of belief in his own words. “I do. ‘Cause she’s knows what she lost, an’ she knows what she has to lose. She loves you an’ you love her an’ you both want us to be a family. So, the pair of ya need to grow up already and fix this.” He grabs his beer forcefully and takes a chug but splutters around the liquid when Charity snatches it from his hand and slides it to the opposite side of the table. “I’m jus’ sayin’.” He says, annoyed. “You two pissing about like this is doing more harm to them two.” Waving his hand towards Johnny and Moses, he gives Charity a pointed glare.

Noah’s right and she knows he is, but that knowledge only reminds her of her own words minutes ago, how she spat and cursed Vanessa for all of the pain she’d caused Charity, for her own selfish desire to see her the way she’d felt.

She’d wanted to watch Vanessa crumble in the heat of the moment.

“Babe, even if I wanted to, it’s too late now. I’ve well ‘an truly fucked it up.” She’s exhausted and can already feel the weight of the consequences settling in heavily on her shoulders. “Like I always do.”

Noah, standing up, grabs Charity by the elbow and pulls her to her feet. “It’s never too late for you and Ness.” He gives her a gentle shove towards the door. “Go make things right for the sake of everyone’s sanity.”

She’s off like a shot before she even realises her legs are moving, tears freshly streaming down her cheeks as her heart thumps with each step, spurring her in the direction she hopes Vanessa is in.

She races past other guests, that one German family who, as per usual, gives her a question look as she passes by, but she pays them no mind. She crashes through the front doors of the building, skidding out onto the decking she’d been stood on moments before only to find it empty.

Charity’s stomach drops, Vanessa’s already left. The image of her devastated and crying over her unforgiving words, however, only fuel Charity on and before she knows it, she’s speeding up the stairs to the fourth floor, to Vanessa’s room, taking the steps two at a time.

_Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa,_ is repeated like a mantra in her head, with every determined step, every painful thud of her heart against her rib cage. With it, comes flashes of her face, of moments when their relationship was nothing but perfect to Charity, the first kiss in the wine cellar, the gay bar, the trial. The good and bad, but all of it perfect. And then a flash of a door closing in her face, and she’s left alone in the kitchen of the Woolpack, broken and alone.

She can feel the sticky heat of tears around the collar of her hoodie, of Noah’s hoodie, she’d pinched earlier that morning. It itches and irritates but the feeling is nothing but white noise as she finally reaches the fourth floor.

Her heart stops.

She slows to a walk, one foot in front of the other until she reaches the door she needs. Charity makes a move to knock her hand rising with a slight tremor to it and whether that’s from nerves or the adrenalin, she isn’t sure, but she doesn’t have to worry about knocking when she notices the door’s slightly ajar.

Charity frowns but hesitantly presses her palm against the cool surface and pushes it open.

She scans the room until her eyes land on Vanessa out on her balcony, her heart gives out a painful pound in her chest at the sight.

She’s as dishevelled as Charity is, her hair ruffled where she’s run her fingers through it too much, mascara down her cheeks to mirror her own and a very large glass of wine is clutched with painful white knuckles.

The door behind Charity slams shut and Vanessa jumps where she’d been hunched against the wooden railings. She spins on her heel, ready to fend off the intruder but the look that forms on her face when she sees Charity standing awkwardly in the middle of her room is a cross between panic and relief.

Charity begins moving across the room, side stepping the coffee table with little care or attention, her focus purely on Vanessa as she swings open the doors to the balcony.

She comes to a stop just outside, heavy snow hitting her in an icy wave. “You left.” Charity says, her voice honest, broken and filled with so many emotions she feels almost as though she’s about to explode.

Vanessa nods sadly, her lips curling the same way Johnny’s do when he’s about to start screaming the house down. “I know.”

Charity gulps and takes a final step forward, her hands come up to cup at the nape of Vanessa’s neck and she’s leaning in without a second backwards thought. This is it, her and Vanessa because at the end of the day, whether they were arguing or not, they had always come back to each other. That’s what this is, Charity thinks, they’re coming back to each other, only this time it’s taken a little longer. “You love me.” She states it as a matter of fact, leaving no room for question.

Vanessa drops her glass to the small table beside them, nodding furiously. “Never stopped.”

It’s enough, enough to spur Charity into action and she surges forward, colliding her lips with Vanessa’s. She’s always said it’s cliché, the way she feels for Vanessa, from that very first moment in the cellar, the second their eyes clasped in the lobby and then now, it feels like coming come, its safe and warm and everything she thought could never exist in the cruel world she was born into. She never once thought, growing up, being in and out of prison, Bails… she never thought she’d ever deserve someone as good and kind and loving as Vanessa bloody Woodfield. But her lips against Charity’s, startled and unmoving for only a moment, is everything she never knew she needed.

Vanessa gasps out her shock but kisses her back with just as much force, just as much desperation and her hands come to grab at Charity’s hips, yanking her flush against her body with more strength than Charity knew she possessed.

“You were keeping Johnny safe.” She mumbles as best as she can while her lips continue to move against Vanessa’s, craving with every cell of her body not to break this moment.

But Vanessa pulls away ever so slight, only to tilt her neck and press her forehead against Charity’s. “I shouldn’t have left.”

“You were keeping him _safe_.” Charity repeats, conveying her unwavering understanding to Vanessa.

They cling on to one another for dear life. Charity allows her hands to roam across Vanessa’s body, remembering every curve and every edge of her with each touch. She keeps her close, keeps her gaze glued to Vanessa’s and allows herself to breathe in the familiar scent.

She’s still crying, though, but the tears have turned to ones of happiness and relief. Vanessa’s swipes a thumb across her cheek and lets out a soft laugh. “Why’re you crying?”

“You’re cryin’, too.” Charity mirrors Vanessa’s actions and wipes at the tears streaming down her face. She laughs again, nodding her own disbelieving amusement between them. “I never stopped loving you.” Charity whispers again as she leans in to drop a kiss to Vanessa’s swollen lips.


	5. In My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is in full swing but Charity isn't up for it as much as she'd hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here you have it, the last chapter! I had hoped to have gotten this done and dusted in time for Christmas Day but you know what this time of year is like, between work and family and everything else, I was completely swamped. I hope you don't mind. mind.   
> This turned out a lot better than I'd originally hoped it would and the responses you've given me have surprised me even more, so I'd just like to thank you for ready this little story that popped into my head one day.   
> I'm pretty sure none of you came here to listen to me rambling so I'll shut up now.  
> Enjoy!

 

“Mummy! The magic man pulled a rabbit out of the hat.”

“An, an, and then made it disappear!”

“He were a bit creepy…”

The three boys come barrelling into Vanessa’s room, full of bounding excitement. The disruption causes the two women to step apart, but their hands reach through the air between them to intertwine.

Together, they take a step through the doors and into the warmth only marginally noticeable with the heating still cut off.

Grinning as Johnny clings to her hip and Moses leaps from one end of the couch to the other, Vanessa with Charity in tow, settles down into an arm chair. “Sounds like you both had a fantastic time.” Vanessa says, placing her hand between Charity’s shoulder blades, shifting to get comfortable on the arm of the chair.

“Bet you enjoyed it just as much as them two.” Charity smirks at Noah, but his eyes are trained on the contact Vanessa is keeping between them and a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

“The rabbit thing were alright, s’pose.” He gives an indifferent shrug, catching Moses mid leap and plonks the pair of them down on the couch. He kicks his feet up onto the coffee table and turns the TV on. “Can we watch a decent film now? Sick of the rubbish you lot ‘ave been sticking on.”

Vanessa snorts out a laugh but nods. “Nothing too violent though, eh?” She says, standing and heading towards the kitchen as the opening scene to _Die Hard_ begins playing. “I’ll stick the kettle on.”

Charity follows a second later, coming up behind Vanessa standing at the counter. She doesn’t hesitate to circle her arms around her waist, splaying her fingers across Vanessa’s stomach and feeling the warm from her skin through her shirt. “Need a hand?” Charity asks. She gently rests her chin on Vanessa’s shoulder, turning to nuzzle into the crook of her neck.

Vanessa hums appreciatively, lacing her fingers on top of Charity’s and tilts her head to accommodate the lips that are pressing hot kisses against her jaw. She manages to croak out a soft laugh. “Not the type I think you’re aiming for.” Vanessa whispers softly, tightening her grip on Charity’s wandering hand.

To Charity’s disappointment, Vanessa steps out of her hold and wanders over to the fridge to pull out some squash for the boys and milk for the tea. Charity pours the water and tops the juice up in the glasses while Vanessa removes the teabags and adds the milk.

“Fix that.” Vanessa places her finger against Charity’s pouting lip. “Before the wind changes.” The way she smirks up at her has Charity pouncing before she can tell her body not to. She catches Vanessa’s lips in her own, tugging her closer by the waist and revels in the way Vanessa seems to melt into her with a soft gasp.

She feels Vanessa smile against her mouth and the happiness that bubbles up in her chest warms the icy air in her bones that had settled there while they’d been stood out on the balcony. “Fix it like this?” She asks smugly, pressing Vanessa up against the counter as she deepens the kiss.

She feels Vanessa’s hands tangle in her hair as she pulls her harder against her body, tugging almost desperately at the blonde strands woven through her fingers. “Exactly like that.” Vanessa manages to whisper against her mouth, Charity’s teeth tugging roughly at her bottom lip.

In the midst of the moment, they barely hear Noah clearing his throat and Johnny and Moses bursting with scandalised giggles as they stand in the doorway to the kitchen. “Get a room.” Noah groans, his face pink with embarrassed annoyance. “But give us our drinks first… an’ maybe some snacks.”

-

She thinks she’ll miss this place, despite the cold and the bruises that now litter her body, but the warmth of the lobby, with its open log fire where they’re sitting, is almost enough to make up for it. The thing that really beats that, though, is the boys playing at her feet, crashing toy cars together and laughing along with whatever world they’ve created in their own little bubble and Vanessa has her arm tossed across her shoulders, holding her close against her side.

She’d been unable to deny the boys the chance to open up one of their presents early, their pleading eyes had melted her heart and she’d practically thrown the wrapped gifts into their arms – purposefully ignoring Vanessa’s laughter. They seem content enough with what Vanessa and she could find in the small skiing town, she only hopes Moses can last long enough without throwing a tantrum before they can make it back to the village to open the presents she’d planned on bringing with them in the first place.

Noah’s off drinking with his friends again, the roads having been cleared that afternoon and the majority of the hotel guests, Charity assumes, have had the same idea as her son, choosing to have their Christmas Eve meal at a fancier restaurant than the one available to them here. Charity doesn’t mind, however, knowing he’ll be back at a reasonable enough time that he’ll be sober enough to celebrate Christmas with them.

She’s trying not to think about what comes after tomorrow, though.

Boxing day’s when their flight’s scheduled to leave and the reminder weighs heavily on her chest.

“You alright?” Vanessa’s voice comes smooth and low and pulls Charity from her reverie. “Been quiet for a bit.”

Charity blinks, clearing the worry from her head and turns away from the flames she’d been staring into. She smiles as genuinely as she can. “Yeah, I’m good.” She drops her head to Vanessa’s shoulder and can’t help but smile when she feels a gentle kiss press against her temple. “Really good, actually.”

Vanessa lets out a satisfied breath at Charity’s response, holding her close, she cuddles in closer and softly runs the tips of her fingers through Charity’s hair. “They’re well chuffed with them cars.”

“Told you they would be, didn’t a?” Charity gloats, smugly rising within Vanessa’s arms. “Mind you, that‘n would be happy with a rock.” She says, watching Moses throw his car a good foot in the air before it comes crashing down on the hardwood floor with a clatter. Charity flinches at the sound. “Least he wouldn’t break it.”

Vanessa’s shoulders bob along with her laughter, the sound ringing around the room like music. “Leave him alone.” She teasingly swats at Charity’s arm as they both giggle together.

The question she feels bubbling inside her is spurred on by the happiness spreading through her veins, it drowns the feeling of worry and doubt, and Vanessa’s smile tugs it from her as they lean in to one another, still laughing melodiously. “Spend Christmas with us tomorrow?”

-

_“I can’t leave Chas, not after Grace.”_

_“I know.”_

_“Please stay.”_

_“I can’t, Charity, I need to keep Johnny safe.”_

_“Don’t walk out that door, Vanessa.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

-

She knows she’s only worrying because the looming finality of their holiday is quickly approaching. She’s busied herself with making coffees and breakfasts, even running down to the hotel restaurant to pick up some pigs in blankets for them to share instead of the meek bowls of cereal. The room’s a mess of wrapping paper and toys but even that isn’t distraction enough for her wandering mind.

Noah’s building a Lego set for Moses, who she doesn’t doubt will probably destroy it each time its completed, but Noah doesn’t seem to mind; while Johnny sits quietly on the couch playing with a cheap farm set that Vanessa had found in a gift shop.

It’s while Charity’s observing Vanessa, contentedly watching this unfold from the arm chair, that she decides she needs to step outside to breathe.

They’re in their own little world here, happy and relaxed and in this moment, on Christmas Day, there’s nothing for Charity to worry about. Only, she is. She’s terrified about what tomorrow will bring, what that means for Vanessa and her, how that will inevitably affect their kids and their futures.

Charity and Vanessa, they’re _them_ again, and god, Charity wants nothing more than to be with her, and she’s sure the commuting four or five times a week through to Leeds will be all fine and well, but they’ve both been here before, couldn’t handle being away from each other for more than a few hours. It’s why they had moved in together in the first place and that was while they’d been in the same village for Christ sake.

She could never ask Vanessa to move back there, though. Not after what Johnny and she had been through. Charity couldn’t do that to her.

She thinks, maybe, she could move to Leeds, if they even made it that far, of course. She could pack up Moses’ and she’s things and just leave.

She’d have to find a job.

A new school for Moses.

The thought process that her brain’s taken, has her head spinning and the beginnings of a headache begins to thumb behind her eyes.

Charity jumps and lets out a soft yelp when she feels arms circle her waist, taking her by surprise but alerting her to Vanessa’s presence. “Jesus, Ness. Y’scared me.”

“Sorry.” Charity can feel the other woman smiling into the side of her neck as she huddles close to avoid the freezing air. “Moses wants you to come watch a film with us.”

“Moses?” She says knowingly.

Vanessa chuckles, her breath brushing over Charity’s cool skin. “Me, an’all.” But Charity doesn’t make a move, instead, she pulls Vanessa around to her front and holds her close. She settles her chin comfortably on top of her head, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist, clinging on to this moment for a little bit longer. “When did the nightmares start up?”

The softness to Vanessa’s voice doesn’t help the abruptness to her question. Charity considers telling her the truth, how they’d started the night Vanessa left, how she dreamt nearly every night since about empty kitchens, fire, blood, court rooms, nights on the streets, empty beds… But she thinks better of it. Instead, she settles on a half-truth. “A couple months ago.” Twenty-three months, to be exact.

“Kicking and mumbling in your sleep all night, you were.” Vanessa whispers, trailing her hand up the side of Charity’s ribcage comfortingly. “Think I’ve got a few bruises to show for it.” She teases, trying to lighten the mood.

Squeezing a little tighter, Charity kisses Vanessa’s forehead in a way she hopes can convey her guilt. “I got you a present.” She says suddenly with a hint of awkwardness to her tone.

The abrupt subject change doesn’t go unnoticed by Vanessa, but she doesn’t press like Charity thinks she will. Instead, she leans back and reaches up to cup Charity’s face with a softness that only she can give her. “Oh god.” Vanessa’s face twists into one of mock fear, but the corners of her lips twist upwards into a smile. “It’s not another pair of socks, is it?”

Charity blurts out a laugh and shoves playfully at Vanessa’s shoulder, tugging her back against her chest instantly. “Give over.” She says with a roll of her eyes. “Moses, picked them out.”

“The sentiment was appreciated.” She teases, linking her fingers behind Charity’s neck as she places a soft kiss to her lips.

“This is better than them socks.” She says surely, but then adds, “probably.”

Vanessa leads them back inside, laughing softly as Charity rambles away. She lets out a soft _umf_ , when Johnny ploughs into her, ramming a toy cow into her shoulder. “That hurts, love.” Vanessa says, wincing, but makes no move to stop him.

“Merry Christmas, mummy.” Johnny says cheerfully, continuing to ram the cow as hard as his little muscles can manage, down Vanessa’s arm.

Grimacing in pain, she gently places Johnny down on the floor beside Noah and Moses, trying to hold back a blurt of laughter as he throws the cow into the Lego building, watching the bricks explode into a mess of colour. “Merry Christmas, you three.” Then, turning to Noah, she gently ruffles his hair and gives him an apologetic smile. “I’ll make you another coffee.”

Charity wordlessly begins gathering up all the torn paper into a bag, tidying away the mess and destruction that the boys had created at an ungodly time that morning. She hadn’t minded much, being woken up before seven, not when she could practically feel the excitement radiating off of Moses and Johnny as they’d launched themselves onto the couch where Charity and Vanessa had been sleeping.

She throws the bag onto the pile they’d already made by the door and slumps down onto the couch. Charity watches the boys play together with a soft smile on her face, her mind wandering to the last Christmas they’d spent together.

Vanessa comes back into the room carrying two mugs of steaming coffee, she hands one to Noah who accepts it gratefully and passes the other to Charity. “Cheers, babe.” She says, letting her fingers trails across the back of Vanessa’s hand. “Your presents under the tree.” She says, tilting her head over the top of her mug.

Wiggling her eyebrows excitedly at Charity, Vanessa crouches down in front of the tree and finds a small, square shaped present. It’s badly wrapped, the edges sticking up and tape is barely holding the paper together. She watches Vanessa stroke a thumb slowly over the surface, an affectionate beam spreading across her face.

“Oh, jus’ bloody open it, Vanessa.” Charity says impatiently, nerves tugging something thick and heavy up her throat.

Vanessa barks out a laugh but doesn’t hesitate in ripping the paper to shreds. Beside her, Moses lets out a little scream of excitement as he throws the paper in the air. But Vanessa’s laughter dies down to a quiet intake of breath when she realises what she’s holding in her hands.

Charity waits with bated breath. 

“Charity.” Vanessa gasps out with so much surprise that for a moment she thinks she’s done something wrong. “When did you take this?” She asks.

Charity shifts warily in her seat. “Just after you fell on your face.”

Vanessa laughs, and Charity feels a wave of relief ripple through her. “They look dead happy.”  She says, squeezing the photo of herself on her back covered in snow, Johnny and Moses rolling around on top of her. Charity had snapped the picture when Vanessa had face planted coming off the ski lift, she hadn’t been able to help herself. “How did you get it printed?”

“Scared the guy behind reception into doing it for me, didn’t I?” She laughs but the sound is silenced as Vanessa throws herself into Charity’s arms. “Do you like it?”

“I love it.” She says, pressing a deep kiss to Charity’s lips. “Thank you.”

“ _Ewwwwww._ ” Johnny and Moses chime out together, laughing and giggling their scandalized responses to the sight before them. Somewhere between that and the sound of Vanessa giggling into her neck, Charity can hear Noah groan before he storms off to the kitchen.

“I got you a present, an’all.” Vanessa says quietly, using Charity’s shoulders to help hoist her back up to her feet.

Charity’s eyes widen slightly. “You did?”

Scoffing, Vanessa moves back over to the tree. “Don’t sound so surprised.” She says, walking back over to the couch with something hidden behind her back. “You gotta close your eyes, though.”

Frowning as confusion settles in, Charity hesitantly lets her eyes flutter shut. “You’re not about to murder me for Christmas are ya?”

“If I wanted to do that,” Vanessa says, Charity can feel the couch deep beside her, “I’d have done it a long time ago.” Her voice comes closer, ghosting against her cheeks and a resulting wave of goose bumps erupt over Charity’s skin. She jumps slightly when she feels Vanessa press something against her face and swiftly leans in for a kiss, she chases the contact when the other woman pulls away, whispering a soft, “Merry Christmas, Charity” as she does.

Charity slowly opens her eyes and reaches up to her top lips with a deep frown etched into her brow. “What…” She trails off, a huge grin splitting her face when she realises Vanessa’s stuck a moustache under her nose.

“You stuck one of these on my face when I got suspended,” Vanessa explains, “I was so miserable at the time, but you came along and fixed all that, it’s what made me realise I loved you.” She laughs at the memory of the pair of them sat in the back room of the vets and she reaches out to cup Charity’s face. “I just wanted to remind you that I still feel like that now, I still love you as much as I did all those years ago.”

The words almost take Charity’s breath away, they’d been spoken the day before in the heat of the moment, desperately needing the other to hear them. But now, the air’s calm in their room, the boys are playing happily on the floor, and the festivities are in full swing, Charity can feel the truth in them more than ever. “I love you, Ness.” Charity says, tilting her head ever so slightly as she stares at the other woman.

All the worry she’d felt that morning seems to dissipate in an instant when Vanessa’s lips meet hers once again.

-

They head into town for their Christmas dinner, making their way to an English pub for a plate full of turkey and pigs in blankets. But by the time they all make it back to the hotel, Johnny and Moses are already falling asleep where they stand.

“You don’t mind taking him for a few minutes, do you?” Vanessa asks, looking slightly guilty as they head towards the lifts. “I need to go pack our things before we leave in the morning.”

Charity feels her face drop, and knows Vanessa and Noah see it too. “Of course, babe. No problem at all.” The day had flown past way too quickly, and now their holiday’s coming to an end and they’re all going to have to face the responsibilities of real life come this time tomorrow.

“I’ll take him.” Noah pipes up suddenly, surprising both women. “You go help, Ness get everything sorted.” He says to Charity as he steps off the lift with Moses and Johnny clinging to his hands.

“You sure?” Charity asks, and he gives her a reassuring nod. “Thanks, kid. We won’t be too long, yeah?”

Noah gives her a clear eye roll as he turns to wander down the hallway. “Take your time.”

Vanessa’s chuckling softly to herself as the doors close again and the lift finishes its climb to the fourth floor. “Are we that obvious?” She can barely get her sentence out before Charity’s pressing her up against the wall and covering her mouth with her own. A gasp is yanked from Vanessa’s lungs when she feels a tongue swipe across her lower lips, hungrily begging for access.

“Maybe if _someone_ could keep their hands to themselves at dinner...” Charity says, pulling Vanessa out of the lift by her hips. They don’t make it too far, however, before Charity feels her own back being slammed against the wall of the corridor and Vanessa’s mouth finds that spot on her neck that makes her legs tremble. “You better get that door open before we have a repeat of Leeds Pride.” She gasps out as Vanessa’s teeth sink down hard. Despite her own words, however, Charity’s already yanking the shirt from where its tucked into the top of Vanessa’s jeans and practically begins tearing the buttons from the front of it.

“I think we scarred Trace for life.” Vanessa chuckles breathily. Dragging Charity towards her room, she fumbles blindly in her bag for the key.

“Were her own fault.” Charity manages to mutter out, her mouth steadily working its way up Vanessa’s jaw until it reaches her ear. “I didn’t hear you complainin’, though.” It’s all muscle memory now, she knows what Vanessa likes, what makes her blush and go week at the knees. She knows that if she places her lips just right, below her ear, she can elicit a certain moan that Charity goes crazy for.

Vanessa finally gets the door open and the pair stumble in together. “How could I complain when you were doing _that_?” Right at that moment, Charity choses to hoist her up off the ground, her hands coming to support her under her thighs as Vanessa crosses her legs at the ankle behind her back.

“ _This_?” Charity asks innocently. Her actions are anything but when she brings her hand down between their bodies and slips the tips of her fingers just past the waistband of Vanessa’s jeans.

Vanessa can’t seem to form a coherent thought in that moment, her head drops back to the closed door as a soft groan fills the dark room. She gives a jerky nod, sharp and to the point and it’s all the confirmation Charity needs before she pushes her hand all the way down and presses Vanessa firmly against the wall, her wrist beginning to pump steadily.

-

Charity’s trying to catch her breath, she’s tangled in the bedsheets with her arm tossed haphazardly across her eyes, stars still erupting in the darkness. Vanessa’s between her legs still, her cheek resting gently against her stomach as she stares up at Charity with an intoxicated smile on her face.

“Never realised how much I missed this.” Vanessa says, sleep coating her words. She gently trails a pattern with the tip of her finger up and down the bare expanse of Charity’s ribcage.

“Sex?” She asks teasingly, already perceiving what Vanessa means.

Vanessa laughs and swats playfully at Charity thigh. “Yeah, but that’s not what I meant.” She says, leaning down slightly to kiss at the spot she’d just slapped. Charity lets out a short gasp, too sensitive for anymore contact of that kind. “Lying here with you, like this.” She whispers into the smooth skin she’s lying on.

“Me an’all.” Charity says as she begins to rake her fingers through Vanessa’s hair, it’s almost enough to lull her to sleep, she can feel the way Vanessa’s breathing comes out deeper and longer.

Vanessa slowly begins to crawl her way up Charity’s body, planting a trail of soft kisses in her wake. “Not sure I want to forget again.”

Charity smiles up at Vanessa, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “You think you’ll still remember come Saturday?” She doesn’t mean for her voice to come out sounding as worried as it does. She’s never been a fan of feeling insecure.

“Don’t think I’ll ever forget again.” Vanessa says with so much surety to her words that it almost spells the rising worry in Charity’s chest. She cups Charity’s cheek in her hand, the other keeping her propped in position beside her head and leans down to place a kiss against her lips. She tries to follow Vanessa as she pulls away, but the other woman is already rolling to her side and swinging her legs off the side of the bed. “But I really do need to get everything packed.” Vanessa says sadly. Charity comes up behind her, tucking her chin over her shoulder.

“Do it tomorrow morning.” She whines, circling her arms around Vanessa’s waist. “I’m sure it can wait.”

Vanessa lets out a half-hearted laugh. “The plane won’t, though.”

Dejectedly, Charity drops her forehead to Vanessa’s shoulder. “I suppose I could give you a hand, eh.”

“Thank you.” Vanessa says, reaching over her shoulder with the opposite hand to stroke hre thumb over soft lips “But please, don’t attempt any folding…”

Charity gasps and swats Vanessa’s hand away. “Cheeky- _umf._ ”

She’s tackled back down onto the bed before she can finish her sentence.

-

Charity’s never clung to someone so tightly in her life as she’s done with Vanessa in the years she’s known her. Maybe Moses that day he’d fallen off his bike and cut his knee badly enough that it earned him a trip to A&E, but even then, she’d known he’d be okay.

Now, however, she’s not so sure. She’s about to let Vanessa walk out those doors and leave her behind for the second time in as many years.

Vanessa’s crying silently into the crook of her neck, the only thing giving her away is the collar of her top growing damp with tears and the quiet sniffles the other women lets out every now and then. Charity doesn’t dare open her eyes, can’t bare to see Johnny and Moses gushing over their plans for the weekend or see Noah looking at the two women sympathetically.

“I’ll see you Saturday, babe.” Charity grits out through clenched teeth, trying her hardest to keep her composure. She says it to reassure herself more than Vanessa, needing the reminder before her own tears betray her.

“Taxi’s here.” Noah says but his voice falls on deaf ears.

“You think Chas’ll let you stay the weekend?” Vanessa mumbles against the warm skin of her neck.

Charity lets out a hollow sounding laugh. “You forget I’m me own boss.” She says but Vanessa gives her a pointed look that says they both know otherwise. “Sure she’ll understand.”

“Ness?” Noah says again and the sound of a taxi beeping impatiently outside the lobby finally pulls the two women apart.

“It’s jus’ three days, init?” Charity says grimly.

“What times y’flight?” Vanessa asks. “Johnny go give Charity a hug.”

“Not ‘til four.” Charity crouches down and pulls Johnny into her arms, leaving a gentle kiss on his cheek. “See you in a few day’s Johnnybobs.”

His face scrunches as he wipes at his cheek, but he doesn’t make a move to step out of her arms. “You gon’ come see us?”

“Promise.” Charity says and means it with every bone in her body. She’ll quit, she thinks, if she has to, pull Moses out of school and drag her life through to Leeds. He seems happy enough with her reply, gives her a beaming smile and a nod before he goes to stand beside Vanessa.

Charity grabs Vanessa, pulling her into one last bruising kiss before she walks the pair of them over to the doors. Noah helps Vanessa with her cases, loading them into the back of the taxi as she says her goodbyes to Moses. She whispers something in his ear and he lets out a small laugh. “Remember to give me a call ‘bout that placement.” She says, turning to Noah, loading Johnny into the back seat of the car. “I’ll get sommet sorted for you.”

“Will do, Ness.” He gives her an awkward one-armed hug.

Vanessa turns to give Charity one last fleeting glance. “See you soon.”

Charity chokes on her words, feeling them lodge in her throat almost painfully at the sight of the other woman’s red and puffy eyes. She musters up a sharp nod and watches as Vanessa climbs in alongside Johnny.

The engine of the taxi roars to life and before Charity can think to stop them, beg Vanessa to stay, it disappears down the road.

“Y’know.” Noah comes to stand beside her, Moses in his arms. “I never thought, if we ever got ‘em back, we’d ‘ave to watch them leave again.” He says, his voice sounding as flat and exhausted as Charity feels.

“Me neither, kid.”

-

As much as Charity disliked the cold temperatures of the Swiss Alps, she despises the muggy air they’re met with once they reach the village. It’s pouring it down, too, and Charity thinks it’s fitting, being met with miserable weather to match her mood.

Moses is beginning to drift off in her arms, his head lulling against her shoulder as she carries him in through the entrance to the Woolpack. Noah trails behind, grunting as he hauls the case through the door, muttering under his breath as he does.

Chas all but jumps them the second they’re in, storming up to Charity with a face like thunder but remains silent. “Missed us that much, babe?” She smirks, trying to wiggle her way past.

“Tell me, Charity.” Chas starts, and Charity has to try her absolute hardest not to roll her eyes at the tone of her voice. “Did this fancy hotel you were at, have Wi-Fi?”

“I mean, you couldn’t call it fancy if it didn’t.” Charity muses sarcastically.

“And did this village, all the way up in the mountains have signal?” Charity only nods this time. “Aye, a thought so. Then why the bloody ‘ell, didn’t you think to call me at least _once_?”

Charity shrugs. “Jus’ thought you’d not want to hear about all the snow an’ stuff.” She downplays but Chas is perceptible enough to see right through it.

“ _And stuff_.” She repeats with a fair amount of anger to her tone that Charity thinks she’s somehow pissed her off enough this time to warrant a good slapping. To her surprise, however, Chas steps aside but follows the three Dingle’s through the bar and to the back room. Just as Charity places her hand on the handle, Chas stops her. “This _stuff_ ,” She says, “did it ‘ave out to do with your ex-girlfriend and her son showing up? ‘Cause I’ve heard all about that already, haven’t a.”

Charity snaps her head around to stare at Chas so fast she could have sworn something cracked in her neck. “Chas-”

She’s silence by a thud in the backroom and the sound of quiet laughter that most definitely isn’t from an adult.

Chas smirks and nods her head, waving her hand daringly for Charity to open the door. She doesn’t need to be told twice, the carrots practically dangling in front of her face.

The wooden frame almost gives out under her strength as she hurls the door open.

“ _Surprise_!”

She sure she’s dreaming, maybe Noah had bashed her head harder than she’d thought, maybe she’s in a coma because Johnny Woodfield is not standing on her kitchen table right now.

“Surprise.” This one comes softer and with more apprehension than Johnny’s enthusiastic screech. Vanessa’s stepped out from the kitchen and into her line of sight, looking nervous and excited and just a little bit unsure of herself.

She’s definitely dreaming now, Vanessa would never come back here, especially to the Woolpack of all places; she wouldn’t, not after what had happened. But she is, Charity’s digging her nails into the palm of her hands, she can feel the sting of the skin breaking and knows this is real.

Vanessa bloody Woodflied’s standing in her kitchen.

Charity’s practically lumping Moses into Chas’ arms before she launches herself across the small room. She tackles Vanessa hard enough that the pair of them crash into the fridge, and they cling to one another like they had in the lobby in the early hours of that morning, both afraid the other is about to be taken off with the wind.

She doesn’t realise she’s crying until Vanessa pulls away, cupping her face and swipes away the hot tears that are streaming down her cheeks. “What’re you doing back here?” Her voice shakes and her legs tremble with the force of the emotion that’s pumping through her.

Vanessa lets out a watery laugh and lets her head fall to Charity’s. “We got home, an’ I just couldn’t stop crying.” She begins, sinking her fingers into Charity’s hair to keep her from floating away. “And I just thought, y’know, that we left once before, an’ it was unbearable.” Vanessa lets out a choked sob and squeezes her eyes closed at the memory. “I couldn’t do that again, Charity. I couldn’t leave you again, even it is just ‘til Saturday.”

Charity’s own sob rips through her hard enough that she has to hold onto Vanessa to keep herself steady on her feet.

“I couldn’t wait three days to have you back in my life again.” She says almost disbelieving of her own words. “So I dumped the cases an’ the next thing, I know, I’ve quit me job an’ we’re driving here.”

Charity laughs, scattering kisses up the length of Vanessa’s neck. “Are you okay?”

Vanessa nods with more surety than Charity thinks she’s ever seen. “Yeah, I am.” She says.

“Wait.” Charity says, Vanessa’s words ringing in her brain like an echo. She takes a step back and gives her a look of pure astonishment. “Did you just say you quit your job?”

“Well, she, erm, she’s technically downgraded…” Paddy’s voice comes cutting through her foggy mind. Charity hadn’t even notice him come in.

“Spit it out, Padster.” Charity snaps shortly.

Paddy shuffles in his own nervous way, face blushing furiously when he feels the attention of the room fall on him. “Ness called and asked if she could take her old job back an’ you know how swamped we’ve been, I mean all those extra shifts Rona and me have been pulling between us and not to mention the call outs…” He trails off when Charity shoots him a pointed glare. “So of course, I said yes.”

“What’re you sayin’?” She turns to Vanessa, disbelievingly hopeful. “Ness, are… are you…?” She can’t bear to finish that sentence, almost too afraid of what might be said in response.

“I’ll be working at the vets again,” Vanessa says, nodding her head. “An’ I was gonna ask Tracy if Johnny and me could… I wanted to make sure it was okay with you first.”

Charity’s shaking her head before she can tell herself not to. “Don’t ask Tracy.” She blurts out, internally chastising herself for the worried look that spreads across Vanessa’s face. “I mean, if you wanted to, you could come back ‘ere. Move back in with us.”

“Are you asking?” Vanessa says with so much anticipation in her voice that Charity’s heart feels as though it’s going to break through her ribs.

“Yeah, I am.” Charity nods. “If you want to, if you feel safe here.”

She launches herself at Charity, wrapping her legs around Charity’s waist. It takes her by surprise, the pair stumbling a few inches before she regains her footing and they stand there, in the middle of the kitchen, holding each other.

“Is that alright with you?” Charity asks over Vanessa’s shoulder, catching Chas’ eye with her own.

Submissively tossing her arms in the air, Chas gives Charity a glare. “When do I ever get a say around ‘ere anyway?” But the soft smile that twitches at the corner of her lips is all the confirmation she needs. She mouths a silent ‘thank you’ that’s briskly waved off as her and Paddy leave with Johnny and Moses, the sound of their footsteps on the stairs.

Vanessa carefully drops back to the ground but doesn’t make a move to disconnect from Charity as they make their way over to the couch. Noah’s grinning from ear to ear at them both, unable to hide his own happiness now. “I’m glad you’re back, Ness.” He says, purposefully keeping his voice deep enough to hide the true extent of his glee.

“You still fancy doing your placement with me now?” She teases, expecting him to brush it off with an excuse.

To her surprise, however, Noah shoves Charity out of the way and gathers Vanessa up in his huge arms, squeezing as tightly as he dares without causing any damage. “Course I do.” But as quickly as it happens, it’s over just as fast. He steps back and clears his throat, avoiding all eye contact with the two women. “I should go unpack.” He says gruffly, pointing at the suitcase still sat in the doorway. He dashes to the exit, only looking back to mumble a hurried, “least she won’t be a grumpy cow, no more.” And then he’s gone, suitcase conveniently forgotten.

Charity and Vanessa can only stare, gobsmacked, at the place he’d been standing. Their laughter breaks through the silence a second later and then they’re falling into each other’s arms on the couch, whispering gentle ‘I love you’s’ and promises of a better future.

It’s not until much later, when the sun’s rising on the horizon and they’re wrapped up together in bed, naked and spent, that Charity remembers a small velvet box sat under unread books in her nightstand.

“It can wait ‘til tomorrow.” She mutters quietly to herself before exhaustion sinks into her bones and she falls into a nightmare free sleep with the sound of Vanessa’s soft snores rolling over her like waves washing away the pain of the past two years.


End file.
